Did you know that on average 1 in 10 adults is registered with an online dating service? So if you are paralyzed by the idea of being a weirdo for using these services, you should get that idea out of your head.
Although in theory it seems to be something very simple, when it comes time to make a profile or interact with a stranger, problems can come.
According to statistics, 65% of users on online dating sites are men. This presents a great disparity when it comes to finding a partner. Women have more options to choose from, while men have to work harder to find a person who matches their taste and interests.
This reality makes many men afraid to get involved in the dating world. Fear of failure, not knowing what sites exist, what women are looking for, or how to chat online are also some of the reasons that prevent many from taking advantage of this powerful tool.
Prejudices can be a deciding factor. Although we have lived with the internet for many years, the idea continues that what comes from there is bad. Meet a person virtually? Do not even think about it! It sure goes wrong! These thoughts are unconsciously ingrained in many people’s minds and put a big obstacle in the way of looking for a relationship.
Meeting online can be just as good as the old-fashioned way. It even has the advantage of not having certain pressures or social conventions that we would have when meeting face-to-face.
Age, a Problem or an Advantage?
Many men mistakenly believe that these sites are for teenagers and young people when in fact they are adapted to all ages. In fact, there are more users between 40 and 60 years old. No one is too young or old to find love.
Adulthood or advanced age can even be an advantage in terms of relationships. You have experience, you know what your taste, preferences and what to look for in a person are. There are even specific pages created for users over 50 years old. They offer not only dating but also trips and events organized to make friends.
Types of Dating Sites
If you overcome your initial fear, you will find that there are different online spaces where you can meet people. There are portals, blogs, applications, and virtual dating sites. There are different user profiles. Some are looking for new friends, others who want casual encounters, and those who are looking for a serious relationship. The latter is the most popular.
Forming Real Relationships
Many men hate dating for this reason. They have the prejudice that you can’t achieve a real, stable relationship over the Internet. According to a study carried out by Stanford University, 40% of stable couples have been formed thanks to this medium, which makes the Internet the second most likely way to meet a couple. Why would so many choose this medium if it did not have good results?
The reality is that couples formed through online sites can be just as promising as those formed in conventional ways.
Some of its main advantages are:
- You get closer to people who share your interests.
- It’s easier to go at your own pace. You can think about what to say and how to respond to each message.
- Appearances take a back seat. Talking and getting to know each other is more important.
A recent study found that couples formed online were less likely to divorce over a 7-year period, and that they found great satisfaction in their marital life (Cacioppo et al., 2013)
How Do Dating Sites Work and How To Get Started
Portals or blogs have the objective of generating a general interaction. They are spaces where content related to dating, relationships, etc. is uploaded. There the contact occurs “naturally”. Someone commented on a publication of your interest, you respond to it and contacts and slow approaches are generated. In general, it seeks to generate the type of connection that you would have with someone you know at an event, sports club, etc., where the interaction is distant until one of the two takes the first step.
As for the mobile apps and dating sites, these are more direct. In them, you must complete a record of your basic characteristics: age, sex, physical appearance, etc. You can also add a profile photo, your likes, and interests. Finally, you will find a section where you will describe your ideal partner. With this data, the site will provide you more quickly, a list of people compatible with your profile and preferences.
Once you have completed these steps, it is time to start meeting people. You can choose to contact whoever you want or those that the app suggested as compatible. The latter option is usually the most successful.
There are two other forms of dating that have been gaining popularity in recent years: Speeddating and Slow dating.
As the name suggests, Speeddating has the modality of speeding up the traditional times. . Face-to-face meetings are organized for a few minutes to talk and get to know each other. After the established time, people rotate and thus meet several people on the same night. If they have achieved a certain affinity with someone, they can arrange the next meeting.
Slow dating is the opposite. Seeks that the time is of quality and that the meetings are more leisurely. Usually lunches or dinners are organized where the person has the necessary time to interact face to face with the other person.
How To Flirt
Another issue that can be daunting for men is that the “rules of flirting” online are different from those in person. How to do it? Where to begin? Deep connections are made only through conversation.
Here are some tips:
- Don’t force a writing style. Speak as you would in person. Being in front of a screen we assume that you have to be more formal and avoid certain expressions. Relax and be yourself.
One exercise you can do is read what you write aloud to see if it sounds natural or forced. Emojis, gif or stickers are great allies when transmitting emotions. Feel free to use them!
- Don’t use phrases that wouldn’t make sense in person. Many men can be intimidated by talking to a stranger and resort to compliments. Women hate this – don’t do it!
- Make the conversation natural. Tell her a funny anecdote of the day, something funny that you have seen on television, etc.
- Avoid yes / no questions. Find something that caught your attention on her profile and ask her about it. In this way, they are not only having a new topic of conversation but you are showing interest in their profile.
If you are asked questions, answer them without avoiding them. Don’t talk too much or dwell on trivial matters.
- Don’t go overboard with the number of messages. Let’s be honest, nobody likes to be invaded 24 hours a day. It is better if the other person wants to speak the next day than exhausting the topics in a single conversation.
- Write short messages, or at least, do not abuse very long messages. You will save your time and that of the other person, and you will look less desperate.
- If you want the other person to be honest, you must be honest too. Do not pretend or say things that are not. It is not necessary to tell your intimacies, just not lie or avoid issues that appear in the conversation.
Be clear about your intentions from the start; This way you will avoid wasting time and wasting the other’s time.
- Set limits from the get-go. Don’t wait until the situation is too big or uncomfortable to do this. You can always show what your barriers are from the first conversation. This is also part of being honest. If you don’t want the other person to try to push your boundaries, don’t do it with them either.
- Never share personal information online. Even if you know the other person and know that they would not betray you, you never know how protected the device can be from them. Don’t share account numbers, documents, etc.
One thing to remember is that online dating provides you with a powerful advantage. Time. This asynchronicity allows you to review your messages, think about how to respond and react in the best way.
Many factors can put men off and put them off online dating; women that ghost are one of them.
You meet a person, generate a bond, start a virtual rapprochement and suddenly the person disappears. They don’t answer your messages, delete their profile picture and you have no way to contact them again.
Undoubtedly this situation generates discomfort but you should not be discouraged. Some people embark to have fleeting relationships. When they see that you are looking for something serious, they disappear. If you want to avoid this, clarify what your interests are from the beginning.
You may do everything right, and yet there may be people who decide to disappear without a trace. Don’t worry, go ahead and start interacting with other people.
There is nothing to prevent this from happening, but you can watch for a few signs. Stay away from women who:
- They read your messages and do not answer for many hours.
- They make excuses to make an appointment.
- They change the date or place of the meeting repeatedly.
Be Yourself and Don’t Pretend
When entering the virtual world, many hesitate to show who they are. They create profiles with false information, photos with a lot of editing and wrong data. When doing so, the fear that the other person has done the same also arises. Will she look like in her photos? Will she be the age she claims to be? How do I show myself to the world?
Online dating sites usually have spaces for answering basic questions. Quick answers include age, weight, height, current relationship status, where you are from, etc. Those that require long answers include the “about me” sections, interests, hobbies, photos, etc.
This point can generate an internal conflict: Am I honest and tell everything, even what I don’t like, or do I exaggerate my qualities and attributes? Authenticity is always the best strategy. If the deception is detected, you will have negative repercussions not only with whom you were relating to but also in the comments of the site.
If you don’t want to be deceived, don’t deceive others either. Don’t claim to be who you are not. By being honest, you will help others do the same with you.
The big problem is that we don’t like many aspects of ourselves. Should I take a full-body photo if I don’t feel good about my body? What information should I share when I create my online profile?
This will be their first impression of you. Think about what you would like to get from the other person. You must attract attention and be able to communicate your interests genuinely.
- Take care of spelling and grammar. This says a lot about a person.
- Be concise. No need to write a large text. Between 7 and 10 lines will suffice. It covers topics such as sports that you like or train, what movies do you prefer, what are your hobbies, the type of relationship you would like to have, what you are like, etc.
- Make sure you don’t just talk about yourself. The 70/30 rule will help. Studies show that profiles that dedicate 70% to describing themselves and 30% to what they are looking for from the other get better results in online dating applications.
- Try not to be boring and convey confidence with what you present.
- Share photos that you feel comfortable with. Find your best angle, clothing that you like and upload it. No abuse of filters or retouching. You don’t want women to not recognize you when they meet you in person. Avoid hats, sunglasses or costumes that can distort your image. A genuine smile will always make a good impression.
Studies show that, when analyzing profiles, people pay great attention to what is written in the person’s description, especially photographs.
It was shown that men are more likely to initiate contact and have interest based on physical attractiveness and that women pay attention to the man’s social status.
Dating and Privacy
Although most online sites have control mechanisms, it does not hurt to be cautious. Remember that the process of meeting a person is gradual, as well as the information you will provide.
Don’t send private photos that you would be embarrassed for others to see. Remember that you never know if the other person is alone or if they are using a borrowed device.
As we already mentioned, you should never share passwords and your credit card number online, be aware of scammers.
Neither should your home address. It is recommended that first encounters always take place in a neutral place.
Why Men Don’t Want To Get Married Anymore
One factor that can make it difficult for many men to date is a lack of commitment. More than 70% of the women who use these sites have assured that they are looking for a serious commitment. But… what about men? Why don’t they want to get married anymore? Some of the reasons may be:
- The fear of not finding an ideal person
- The economic factor
- Family responsibilities
- Fear of commitment
The latter is possibly the most popular. Many think that marriage equates to a lack of freedom and therefore they fear taking a serious commitment. When they start to meet other people they find it difficult to find someone with the same interests and they become frustrated.
If you are part of this group, there are sites online where you can find people who are looking for the same thing as you. If you are in doubt, we give you some reasons to commit:
- According to a study conducted by the World Health Organization, people in stable marriages have a lower risk of suffering depression or anxiety crises than those who remain single or in free unions.
- Sharing your life with someone gives you “more years of life”. According to statistics, married people live longer than single people. This is due to the preservation factor, where spouses take care of each other and thus improve the quality of life.
- Life is easier and happier. Sharing your day-to-day life with a loved one produces emotional and social well-being. The problems and difficulties that arise will be divided in two and you will not have to bear the burden alone.
What Are Women Looking For?
It is always discouraging not knowing what the other person is looking for. But luckily people are similar all over the world and some patterns repeat themselves and can help you.
According to a study by Dr. Xand van Tulleken, women are more attracted to men who demonstrate courage, bravery and a willingness to take risks. Also, profiles, where the person demonstrates that they are funny are more likely to be chosen.
Among other qualities, according to a survey conducted by the University of Gottingen in Germany, women said that kindness (88.9%), support (86.5%), intelligence (72.3%), education ( 65.5%) and trust (60.2%) were crucial traits for a long-term couple.
To the surprise of many, in terms of physical appearance, most women prefer a man with a normal body rather than someone with a more athletic appearance. They also expressed that the smile plays a key role.
Top Online Dating Sites
You lost your fear and you will start to dabble in the world of dating. What service best suits your needs?
If we talk about options, the network has thousands. There is something for everyone. It is just a matter of looking at them and choosing the one that most catches your attention. They are classified into types of dating, interests, etc.
The most popular is the smartphone app Tinder. It has more than 80 million users and an average of one million weekly dates. It also has a desktop computer version. Its main feature is that it links your Facebook data and gives you a list of people who live in your city or with whom you share friends.
Be2 is a site that provides you with a personality test. In addition to the typical questions, they ask you how you would act on certain occasions.
OkCupid also has a personality test. In it, the profiles are more detailed and show a more precise list of matches.
Match.com gives you a list of potential partners according to the keywords you choose, for example: “Sing and dance.” If you want to contact someone you must have a paid membership.
There is also Bumble, an app similar to Tinder that also offers the option to meet people for friendship or business. This option is ideal if you find it difficult to take the “first step” since only women can initiate conversations.
Hinge is an attractively designed app that provides, first of all, the most useful and relevant data. It shows political leanings, whether you want a serious relationship or not, frequency of alcohol consumption, etc.
Happn recommends people near you. It uses the location of your cell phone to send you to profile proposals with people who have crossed paths with you during the day.
A platform that has gained prominence in recent years is The League. This is a VIP dating app that requires you to provide your job title, college and LinkedIn profile. It is a more exclusive site where the admission process can take a while.
Similar to The League is the EliteSingles site. This is cataloged as ideal for singles in their forties and older. For both, you must have a premium subscription.
eHarmony is another popular site. You will have to complete a questionnaire with specific questions about your profile and interests. It provides compatibility scores and relationship advice. It has a free subscription with very limited access. If you are interested in maintaining a relationship with someone you will have to access the paid option.
Meeting In Real Life
You have already chosen an application, you started talking with someone, and it is time to meet for the first time. How do you know when is the ideal moment?
Don’t wait too long to move from online to face-to-face. It would be a big mistake if you take so long to meet her in person that when it happens there is nothing to talk about. Remember that these applications serve as an initial trigger to meet someone and not to base your relationship on them.
When conversations start to go deeper than yes/no, it’s definitely time to set up a date.
While women are often more fearful than men when it comes to meeting a stranger, it is important that you can provide a safe environment for her to feel comfortable with you. There are a few things to keep in mind:
- Make a video call with the person. This way you avoid surprises and make sure that the person you are talking to is as described in the photo. If she avoids this point and doesn’t want to do it, it’s best to forget about her and move on. She is probably hiding something.
- If you have already arranged a date and time to meet, relax. Don’t text or call her all the time. You will look desperate and it may make the other person uncomfortable.
- Choose a public place where there is a large number of people, preferably during the day. It never hurts to be cautious. You will avoid a bad time for you and the other person. There will be time for intimate moments.
- If you are shy, it is a good idea to have some possible topics of conversation ready to avoid awkward silences. You can go deeper into conversations you have already had via chat.
- When you come to the end of the date, if you have been feeling good, plan another meeting. Naturally, say goodbye and do not make conclusions or evaluations of the meeting. If the meeting was good, it will be reflected in the chat.
Above all, the biggest secret in this virtual world is to aim high and be patient. Maybe at first it will be strange and even difficult, but don’t be afraid, you are on the right track, cheer up and find love online!