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One of the most confusing things for a guy is to try and figure out how women think. It’s more confusing when your own girlfriend seems distant and you don’t know why. Maybe your girlfriend seems distant over text, or she’s distant after intimacy. In any case, you have every right to look for answers.
Which I don’t have.
But I can help you understand why she may have pulled away based on common reasons women become distant. Use this information and try to identify if any of these reasons may be the cause in your own unique situation.
Reasons Your Girlfriend Seems Distant
The common reasons are:
- It’s Something You Did
The first thing that comes to mind is that it’s your fault, so let’s start with that. Think about your last interactions with her right before she became distant.
Try to remember and see if it’s something you said, done, or should have done. If you suspect you’ve done something wrong but it’s not a big deal to you, apparently has bothered her.
If she hasn’t mentioned anything, that is a good sign. Give it time and it’ll all work out in the end.
- It’s Something You Did, And It’s Serious
Sorry to blame you again, but if it is something you did we have to identify the severity of your action. In this case, you have a better idea of what went wrong.
If you can admit you’ve done something wrong, the best thing to do is talk to her and apologize. In this scenario, her silence suggests that you messed up in a way that she expects you to apologize without her even bringing it up.
Think about anything you might have done or said to make her reconsider if she wants to be with you.
- She’s Focusing On Something Else
It can be work or school-related, or something personal she doesn’t want to share.
If you believe you’ve done nothing wrong and know she has been busy, she’ll come back once her life goes back to normal.
- She Has Mood Swings
If she’s the type of girl that has mood swings, and it isn’t the first time she’s acting this way, give her time and space.
There could be a medical reason she isn’t feeling her best and wants some time away from you. Don’t forget there’s a time in a month when women get their periods.
When a girl is PMSing (premenstrual syndrome), that can cause fluctuations in her mood. If you know she suffers from depression, do the right thing and try to help her.
- She’s Doesn’t Like You
I understand this is not what you want to hear. But when your girlfriend seems distant there’s a possibility she may not want to continue with you.
In this case, she’s either not ready to dump you yet, or is looking for an opportunity to tell you that it’s not going to work out.
- She Likes You But Is Testing You
Women test guys all the time and in many different ways. Her becoming unavailable may be a way for her to see how you‘ll react.
Basically, she wants to know if you like her enough to chase after her. But don’t. There are ways to show a girl you like without chasing, even when she’s distant.
Don’t act like a crying little kid running after his mommy afraid she’ll leave him behind.
Instead, give her space and don’t make it a big deal.
Act like you’re not bothered and keep calls and texts to a minimum. Text a “hello” and check on her and ask about her day like you normally would.
You May Never Know The Real Reason
As you can see, there are different reasons your girlfriend pulled away. No one can tell with certainty what is going on in her head. Sometimes she herself may not know why she’s distancing herself from you.
This is an emotional reaction that may be triggered by many causes. It’s almost impossible to come to a conclusion because it’s impossible to know how someone else feels. Let alone what’s going through their head.
How To Act When Your Girlfriend Seems Distant
Your options are limited and trying to do too much and to extremes will backfire. It’ll result in her distancing herself even more. What do I mean by “too much” and “to extremes”?
- Keep asking her what’s wrong
- Call her at odd hours of the night to talk about it
- Assume she’s seeing someone else and start acting jealous
- Threaten her in any way
And most importantly, don’t let it bring you down and make you upset.
This Is How You Should Handle It:
- Stay Calm
It’s understandable that you fear the worst.
You’re afraid she’s either cheating on you or doesn’t want to continue the relationship with you. These are signs of jealousy and insecurity.
Make sure she doesn’t find out if you are feeling this way or it will be a major turn-off for her. Especially if you were wrong in your assumptions.
- Be Open To Talking
There is one way to be mature and act like a confident and caring guy, and that is to be open to talk about it. Don’t demand, but let her know you’re available and willing to talk.
Let her know to talk to you if there’s something she needs to get off her chest. Give her the option to not talk to you if she doesn’t want to, and she’ll appreciate that you‘re not being forceful.
- Wait It Out
If she goes hot and cold, and acts distant one day but normal the next, just wait it out. It could be one of the personal reasons mentioned earlier that she’s not able to be 100% “there” for you every day.
If this is the case it’s not worth even bringing it up.
- Ask Her What’s Wrong
This is one of the options to use as a last resort. This is when you flat out ask her to tell you what’s going on and that it’s about time she gives you an explanation.
You should still remain calm and non-threatening, but be firm. Especially if you have been dating for a long time, and her being distant is ongoing and is starting to bother you.
Girlfriend Seems Distant After Intimacy
When it comes to your girlfriend becoming distant after intimacy, the cause is obvious. It is being intimate the reason she’s now distant. If that’s the case, think back and see if you can identify something that happened that may have turned her off.
Possible Reasons She’s Distant After Intimacy
- You Were Too Pushy
In the heat of the moment, she was intimate with you but now regrets it. This could be because she wasn’t ready, or was ready but didn’t want it to happen the way it did.
Her becoming distant is a sign she’s embarrassed or bothered.
- She Didn’t Like It
You tried your best to please her in bed but failed. She may be trying to figure out if you are the right guy for her and if she wants to continue seeing a guy who can’t give her what she wants in the bedroom.
- She Regrets It
Even if you took your time and having sex is what you both really wanted, it’s possible that she now regrets it. It’s not uncommon for women to regret being intimate and in a lot of cases it has nothing to do with you. It was a choice she made that feels she shouldn’t have made.
- Doesn’t Want You To Think She’s Easy
She’s becoming distant in an attempt to play it hard to get, even if you were already intimate. In this scenario, she doesn’t want you to think she’s easy and that she will always be available and willing.
The reason she’s pulling away is to make you “miss her”, or in an attempt to make herself not overly attached to you.
- She’s Worried About Pregnancy Or An Std
If you had unprotected sex, she may worry about getting pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease. The thought of what could go wrong makes her uncomfortable. She’s distancing herself from you to cope with her emotions on her own.
It is important you don’t assume it’s all your fault and start blaming yourself. It’s normal to feel that you failed to please her in bed.
You may start to worry that your penis size is not big enough, or that you didn’t manage to turn her on with your techniques. This is not necessarily about you or your manhood.
In any case, don’t jump to conclusions. It’s more likely that she became distant because of how she felt afterward and it’s not about your performance in bed. If you’re worried about your penis size, know that it’s not the size of the tool that gets the job done.
Why Your Girlfriend Seems Distant Over Text
Things are great when you’re together, but something’s off when you are texting with her. Now, if your girlfriend seems distant over text and is something you noticed recently it could mean two things.
She’s A Bad Texter (Or Busy)
Ask yourself if she has always been a bad texter. Do you recall her not responding to your messages right away back when you first started talking? Does she have a bad habit of keeping her messages so short they may sound rude to the person receiving them? Do mutual friends complain about her bad texting habits?
If so, there’s nothing to worry about and her coming across as cold and distant is due to her texting habits.
Maybe she has been busy lately and didn’t think to give you a heads up. If there were changes in her work schedule or amount of homework in school, then good. She is not distancing herself on purpose.
She Lost Interest.
Some girls will act like everything’s fine and dandy when around you, only to show how they really feel when they’re not.
If your girlfriend stopped texting you first and her responses are short and dry, it is a sign she’s losing interest.
When you’re not with her, she doesn’t feel obligated to be flirty with you and that’s because she no longer wants to. If this is the case, it is a matter of time she will let you know she doesn’t want a relationship with you.
You should now have a better idea of why your girlfriend seems distant, why she’s distant after intimacy, or why she may seem like she’s distant over text when she doesn’t mean to.
Keep in mind that there are more reasons a woman becomes distant that wasn’t covered in this article and that only she knows.
Whatever the case may be, remember to act cool and never chase a girl that’s pulling away.
When you know you’ve done something wrong, do what’s right and own up to your mistake by apologizing. You will earn her respect, as well as her time and attention.