Every breakup is painful. No matter how long we have been in a couple, to a greater or lesser extent it will always involve a profound change.
If something characterizes love, it is turbulence. Our feelings can be very changeable and if we don’t know how to understand and manage them they can affect us drastically.
Going through a separation is exhausting. Trying to move forward without grieving is even more so. We cannot avoid the appearance of feelings such as sadness or emptiness, but we can effectively manage how to adapt to this change. As a defense mechanism, many people, not knowing how to deal with what is happening, quickly get involved in a rebound relationship.
What is a Rebound Relationship?
A rebound relationship is the type of relationship that is established with the sole objective of being able to get over an ex-partner. Generally, people who opt for this type of relationship try to get involved with someone in order to feel the same way they felt with their former partner. But because they have not recovered from the previous relationship, they cannot become healthily involved with a new person.
People who establish rebound relationships are usually those who cannot be alone. It occurs more in adults because, seeing that those close to them are married or in a stable relationship, they do not conceive the idea of being single.
Stages in a Rebound Relationship
First of all, you should know that rebound relationships often do not happen on purpose. The one who initiates it does so intending to want to move on.
There are certain main stages in these relationships:
1. Anxiety to find a new partner
It is determined by the type of the previous breakup. If the reason was infidelity, the new partner is likely to have physical qualities opposite to the ex.
If there was no logical reason for the breakup, one tends to look for a partner with many similarities to the previous one; especially in character.
2. Beginning of a platonic relationship
The term platonic refers to blind relationships, where everything is idyllic and reality is not seen. When you leave a courtship or marriage and start a rebound relationship you are predisposed to think that the new partner has no mistakes and that they have everything that the other lacked. Feelings are on the surface and you are easily guided by them.
It is common that at the beginning people never show themselves as they are. If your previous relationship ended badly, you will be prone to exaggerate the qualities of your new partner and compare every situation with the previous ones.
3. Shock with reality
You begin to see your partner with different eyes, recognize their weaknesses, and consider ending the relationship.
The same problems that arose in the old relationship begin to flourish in this one and you realize that you hadn’t thought things through.
This is the moment where you realize that you are in a rebound relationship.
Something will take you to the limit and the feelings that you did not know how to handle or express in the previous breakup will come to light. You not only have to deal with the current situation but with the unresolved past.
5. Closure and a new beginning
At this point there can be two situations. Ending the rebound relationship and starting your life anew or trying to resolve the issue with your current partner.
Whatever the decision to make, it is important to convince yourself of the need to start a new stage and heal all open wounds.
How to Avoid a Rebound Relationship
Wanting to get over your ex is healthy, but doing it at someone else’s expense is not. Remember that being hurt does not mean that you can hurt someone else.
According to specialists, the healing process varies from six months to two years, depending on the type of breakup, who made the decision, and how long you have been together. The first step is to recognize and accept what happened. Denying it will not help. As with death, the mind needs time to assimilate the idea that the person will no longer be in our lives.
Every loss entails a stage of mourning. It is normal and healthy to feel anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, and frustration. The abnormal thing is to do nothing to fix it. Avoid visiting places that remind you of your ex. Seek to create new memories with your family or friends. Distracting the mind is always a good strategy.
Before seeking refuge in the arms of a new person, turn to your close contacts. The affection they will give you will occupy a large space in your heart.
Avoid self-victimization. This will bring more pain and will not help at all.
Work on your self-esteem. Don’t think that the person you were dating is the only good thing you could find. There are many people in the world and the possibility that you will find someone special is very high. Remember that if you want to be okay with someone else, you must first be okay with yourself.
Remember that getting involved in a rebound relationship involves a lot of time, time that you could spend doing what you always dreamed of. Try to work on your emotions, learn to recognize and control them.
If you notice that you cannot overcome this situation by yourself, seek help from a professional. Taking care of our mind is as healthy and necessary as taking care of the rest of our body.
How to Know If Someone is Using You
No one wants to get involved in a relationship where the other person is not committed. That’s why it’s important to spot some red flags that will alert you to your situation.
- Generally, rebound relationships are very close to the time of the breakup.
- People tend to get emotionally involved fast. Issues such as marriage, family and parenting are hallmarks that appear quickly.
- Falling in love comes very fast. Without knowing each other much, this person declares his love to you quickly.
- Sudden mood swings are also strong indicators. Remember that a person who starts a rebound relationship has not gotten over the breakup. Constant reproaches followed by flattery are very frequent.
- Presence of phrases such as: “you help me forget my ex.” “My ex used to do it this way,” etc.,
- Physical passion is also sudden. In any stable relationship this is one of the slowest points to reach. In rebound relationships everything is very fast.
How to Know if You’re in a Rebound Relationship
If you doubt about the type of relationship you are having and you think you are in a rebound relationship, ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you trying to make your new partner look like your ex, either by insinuating that he/she dresses a certain way or does certain activities?
- Looking to make your ex jealous with your current partner?
- In certain situations, do you think what your ex would do in his or her place?
- Did your relationship end abruptly? Maybe you didn’t expect it, you always got along well and suddenly something changed.
- Do you constantly need to be shown affection?
- Are you keeping an eye on your former partner’s social networks?
If you detect any of these situations, be alert. Talk to your current partner and try to resolve the situation. It is better to be honest in time before the other person gets involved in the relationship and gets hurt.
Can a Rebound Relationship Last?
Being in a relationship of this type does not mean that there is no future. However, a person who started a rebound relationship with the objective of overcoming a past relationship should work on their emotions to have a healthy relationship with their new partner.
You must understand that any separation generates an internal crisis. Your attitudes and way of reacting to it will determine if this rebound relationship will be just that or will it become a stable relationship.
How to Win an Ex Back if She’s in a Rebound Relationship?
We all make mistakes, and you probably feel that you have done so with your ex-partner. Time passed, you realized it was a mistake to break up the relationship. You want to get back together with your ex but she or he has already started a rebound relationship. How can you make her fall in love?
The first thing to do is to rethink the situation: What were the reasons why the relationship ended? Do you want to be with your ex again or do you just miss being in a relationship? There is no point in resuming the relationship if the problems are still there and are not solved.
If you’ve thought it through, and you’re sure about getting back together, the first step is not to appear desperate. Your partner has already started a relationship, and although it may seem rebound you don’t know how involved they are with the other person.
Invite her to talk. Discuss what led you to be in this situation. Acknowledge your mistakes and show her that you are willing to change and make the relationship work.
Don’t fill his cell phone with messages. Give him the space to think about the future.
Show her that you are sincere and understand that the work of getting her back will take time. You will have to earn her trust again.
It is very important in any relationship to be okay with yourself. You must heal and seek to rebuild the relationship. Talking about problems and trying to solve them is the healthiest thing to do.