How To Escape The Friend Zone: What To Do (With Infographic)


Welcome to the friend zone, my friend.  Apparently, hers too.  Maybe you‘ve been living here for a while, or perhaps that’s where you‘re headed.  You have made some mistakes along the way to have put yourself in this situation.  But that’s ok.  There are ways to get yourself out of it, and tips to follow when you must know how to escape the friend zone.

What Is The Friend Zone

The friend zone is where you end up when you get lost along the way to making a girl romantically interested in you.  You’re stuck in a maze, desperately trying to find a way out while being emotionally tortured.  You really want to escape, but don’t know which way to go and how to handle it.  You don’t want to only be friends and wish you could create a romantic relationship with her.  She doesn’t feel the same, or so it seems.  The friend zone is when she sees you as a friend, but you want something more.

Man and woman standing back to back on black background

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

Step 1: Are You Really In It?


The first thing to do is identify if you really are in the friend zone.  It can be confusing if you don’t know whether the girl you‘re interested in sees you as a friend or is just not ready for a commitment yet.  Maybe she’s the type of girl that likes to take her time and let things progress organically.  This doesn’t mean she sees you as a friend, but that she needs some time.  How can you tell if you‘re in the friend zone?

Asks For Advice

Notice what kind of advice she seeks from you.  Before you jump to conclusions and assume she likes you because she values your opinion, it’s important to pay attention to the things that she asks for your opinion.  Most of the time, her asking you for advice is a bad sign.  Asking for advice is a form of neediness and coming across as insecure.    We tend to ask people for advice that we are comfortable with and don’t care to impress romantically.  This doesn’t mean you should assume she isn’t into you because she asked for your opinion.  Learn to identify if she’s asking for a friendly opinion, or to make a good impression on you.  It’s a good thing when she asks “What should I wear to our date tonight” versus asking you to help her pick a dress to wear for her friend’s birthday party.

Asks For Favors

A tell-tale sign she sees you as a friend is when she’s constantly asking you for favors.  In fact, not only she sees you as a friend, but she may be using you.  When you are overly nice towards her, a nice guy, she knows she can ask you for favors which you’ll gladly do for her.  If you feel you‘re always doing things for her yet not in a relationship, you’re in the friend zone.  While there’s nothing wrong with helping someone when you can, when you feel that’s all she ever wants from you, then is the time to stop being so nice. 

Avoids Physical Contact

Another thing to look out for is when she avoids getting intimately close to you.  When the girl avoids touching you, she’s putting up a wall trying not to cross boundaries.  Aside from casually hugging when greeting you, or playfully pushing you away when you said something to make her laugh, does it seem like she wants to touch you? One way to tell if you‘re in the friend zone is to ask yourself how would she react if you tried holding hands, or going for a kiss?  Have you been in a situation where doing so would have been appropriate, or is it something that will freak her out and think it’s weird for you to do?  If you haven’t had a chance to touch her in a more intimate way, it’s because she either purposely tries to prevent you from doing it, or hasn’t thought to let things move in that direction.  Either way, she sees you as a friend.

How to escape the friend zone dos and dont's inforgraphic
How To Escape The Friend Zone Infographic

Step 2: Escaping The Friend Zone

The ways you can escape being trapped in the friend zone, are the same methods you should follow to make yourself more desirable.  In other words, regardless if you are in the friend zone or not, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing the following:

Become Alpha

Adopt the personality traits that make a man an Alpha male.  Avoid coming across weak, emotional, needy, and awkward.  Instead, focus on building your confidence and stop trying to impress her.  Work on yourself, and not on how to make her interested in you.  Don’t make yourself too available, put her on a pedestal, or make her think meeting her is the best thing to ever happen to you.  Have an attitude that conveys the message that you don’t need her but that you want her in your life, and she’ll miss out if she doesn’t become part of it.

Make Her Low Priority

Don’t obsess over taking things to another level with her.  Stop talking to her on the phone for hours, giving her advice, and doing her favors.  If you‘ve been texting with her back and forth, limit your texts to once or twice a day.   Treat her like your life doesn’t revolve around her, and don’t give her too much attention and all your time.  You can’t get out of the friend zone if you continue to act in ways that brought you here.  If she doesn’t have a romantic interest in you, making her a low priority in your life will only make her interest level higher.  People want what they can’t have and want a challenge.  It makes the result more rewarding.  If you‘re too available, you‘re not worth chasing and pursuing.  Perhaps, that’s the reason she sees you as a friend in the first place.

Be First To End Conversations

Remember, you‘re trying to make her a low priority.  When you‘re the first one to end a conversation with her (and let her be the last one to send a text) you will achieve two things.  First, it shows you ‘re unavailable (and unwilling) to be there for her only when she needs someone to talk to, and secondly, it shows that you have a busy life and things to do outside of spending all your time talking to her. 

Friend Zone Her First

When your relationship with her is not heading in the direction you want, consider friend-zoning her.  You are not necessarily giving up on her, or the potential of a romantic relationship to form.  By friend-zoning her you are implying the way she’s acting towards you and treating you doesn’t work for you.  That’s another way to show that you don’t need her, making you a more valuable man in her eyes.  This would be the time for her to make a decision and reconsider what she really wants from you, or risks losing you to another woman.   If she interested in a romantic relationship, she will pursue you.  How do you friend zone her? Treat her the way she’s treating you, as a friend.  If you‘re talking or seeing other women, as you should, don’t be afraid that she’ll find out.

Don’t Do What Friends Do

When trying to figure out how to escape the friend zone, don’t do what friends do.  Decline when she asks to go shopping with her or hang out with her when she’s bored.  Avoid doing activities she could do with one of her friends-because you‘re not one of them.  If you continue doing what friends do, you are only reinforcing the idea that you make a good friend.

Young couple touching and laughing

Ask Her On A Date

Instead of hanging out as friends, ask her on a date.  It’s important to clarify that it’s a romantic date. Don’t let her think you‘re just meeting her for lunch because that’s what friends do.  So, instead of “Let’s go grab lunch later today” say, “I want to take you out to dinner tonight”.  If you prefer to keep things more casual, instead of meeting her for coffee ask her for a romantic picnic at the beach. Asking her out is an important step to escaping the friend zone.

Compliment Her

One thing her friends don’t do is compliment her sexually.  That’s exactly what you should do.  When you give her compliments that are sexual in nature, you are communicating that you see her as more than just friends.  Knowing how to flirt and give compliments, is one of the fastest ways to make your intentions clear and avoid any confusion when it comes to what it is you want from her.  Make sure your compliments are appropriate, creative, and with a romantic twist.  Avoid overly sexual compliments or you risk offending her and coming across as creepy.  What you‘re really trying to do is implant the idea in her mind that you find her attractive and are romantically interested in her.  Compliment her in ways that would have been inappropriate if she was a stranger or just a friend.

Keep Feelings To Yourself

No matter how you decide to get out of the friend zone or avoid getting there, don’t let her know how you feel.  This is a battle you‘re going to have to fight yourself.  Speak with your actions and your behavior towards her.  Make her realize your intentions by sensing what it is you want  and the kind of relationship you‘re looking for.  When you try to talk to her about it, there’s no way around not coming across as hurt, needy and lacking confidence.  By telling her how you feel, you will either “shock” her if she thought you two were only friends, or her interest level will go down if she was indeed interested and into you.

Don’t Hang Out With Her Friends

How to escape the friend zone is a challenge. There’s no reason for her friends to know that you‘re just a friend to her.  A mistake a lot of guys make is to think that meeting her friends and hanging out with them, will make them more likable to the girl they‘re interested in.  This isn’t true as it shows you‘re comfortable in the friend zone and not only does it bother you that she treats you like a friend, but you‘re willing to hang out with her friends too.  It is one thing to meet one of her closest friends, but don’t make it a habit to agreeing to meet where you, her, and a bunch of other people hang out.  Ideally, you want the girl to want to introduce you to her friends as her boyfriend, or in the very least a guy she’s seeing. 

Escape The Friend Zone Early

When you know you‘re in the friend zone, get out as soon as you can.  Don’t wait to see how things will develop or hope that eventually she’ll see you romantically and make a move.  If you don’t act fast, you’re only making it more difficult on yourself.  Not only it’ll be harder to make her romantically interested when you have been friends for a long time, you risk losing her to another guy when she decides to start dating and be available. Additionally, it will be awkward for her to date you when she is used to just being friends.

Illustration of a man figure entering heart shaped maze

Conclusion

How to escape the friend zone is a complicated process.  You are in a position you don’t want to be in, and it’s crucial you work on getting out of it as soon as possible.  If you have found yourself in this sticky situation, make it a lesson learned, and don’t repeat the same mistakes that made the girl see you as nothing more than just a friend.  It’s important to be clear in your intentions by flirting early, avoid doing things that friends do, keep your cool, and have confidence.  It’s just as important to not stress, be depressed or get emotional in the process.  Do what’s in your power to get out of it, while maintaining your dignity and her interest level high.  You can’t force a girl to be romantically interested in you, but you should make it clear from the start. Be clear that being friends isn’t what you want from her or the type of relationship you’re seeking.

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