When you’re actively dating around, you might feel like you’re always selling yourself – trying to convince the girl you’re interested in of all the great things you bring to the table. What you’re doing in this moment is called qualification: you’re trying to qualify or “sell” yourself to this girl. But instead of trying to qualify yourself, what if you got the girl to qualify herself?
Dating can often be exhausting and feel more like a job interview than a pleasant social interaction. You’re across the table from your date telling her about your job, your car, and basically what a great guy you are – and hoping she’ll either get, or stay, interested.
What happens when we turn the tables on a woman? What most men don’t know is that this very process, if it happens the other way around, can be a major attraction trigger for a woman: once she has to actually work for your approval, she’ll get quite excited about you.
So how does one go about getting to the point where HE is trying to qualify a girl, instead of the other way around?
To Qualify a Girl You Must Know What You Want
Let’s first define exactly what “qualification” means. Getting back to the “job interview” idea – if an employer feels you’re “qualified” for something, it means they believe you’ve got the skills and traits they desire to make you successful in your position and live up to a certain set of standards.
It’s the same thing you’re doing when you are “qualifying” a girl for a potential relationship. In essence, you’re saying to her: “Here’s why I’m good enough for you”.
As someone who’s actively out on the dating scene, you’ve probably gotten pretty good at determining the traits that women generally look for in a guy (good looks, intelligence, charm, sense of humor, financially stable, etc.). But how much time have you yourself spent defining the must-have attributes you look for in a woman? Beyond big boobs, a nice butt and good in bed? Probably not that much time.
So before you set out on your next date, we recommend you do a bit of homework first. Sit down at your computer (or with a piece of paper and pen if you’re old-school, and really try to define exactly what you want in a woman. List as many desirable traits (going beyond the physical) as you can think of. It doesn’t have to be perfect and you can always refine your list as you continue to date and interact with women.
You’re not going to be able to completely vet or “qualify” a woman until you yourself have a really clear idea of the attributes you’re looking for in a partner.
Not to be sexist, but in general, women tend to be better at qualification than men. From the time they are young, many women are already talking about what they are looking for in an ideal partner and they seem to have a pretty good handle on what they will and won’t accept.
Knowing What You Want Affects Your State of Mind
Now that you have a clear idea what you want, don’t you feel more confident? We thought so. If you’ve spent the better part of your dating life essentially groveling to hot women just for a piece of ass, we think this list of non-negotiables will boost your outlook and confidence. Why? Because instead of being the “pick me” guy, you’re now the guy doing the picking.
As with any area of your life, there’s no reason you shouldn’t get exactly what you want or have to settle in a relationship.
Whether it’s something as simple as being more attracted to brunettes than to blondes, or whether it’s a lifestyle choice (i.e., she’s a smoker and that’s a deal breaker for you), you shouldn’t settle for anything less than your standards.
How To Qualify a Girl
Say you’re on a date. The conversation seems to be flowing nicely. Then she mentions going to a nearby cannabis dispensary to get a vape pen. Smoking weed is not your thing at all, but you’re tempted to bite your tongue and not say anything about it, because she’s cute and you don’t want to be rude.
Well, here’s how “qualifying” comes into play. Imagine your conversation going something like this:
YOU: Wait a minute. You smoke weed? You stoner!
HER : I swear I’m not! I only do it socially, at a party or something!
And there you have it. She’s qualifying herself to you.
You want to be challenging, but in a playful manner, not an overly-aggressive, off-putting way.
Maybe she’s deserving of your affection, but you want to make her work for it a little bit. Decide which traits are your absolute no-gos and which things you’re willing to compromise on.
If she’s an occasional weed smoker and you’re ok with that, maybe the two of you can work. But if cannabis is an absolute no for you, and she doesn’t seem to have any intention of changing her ways, it’s pretty clear any potential relationship is dead in the water.
Make Her Invest By Putting Effort
It’s pretty simple: The more time and effort someone is willing to invest in something, the more they want it. Therefore, if a woman shows you that she’s willing to put in a little effort in order to win you over, the more attracted to you she is. So don’t be afraid to be confident and willing to express to her what you are looking for.
But please don’t go overboard and get arrogant or obnoxious about it. Arrogance is not a good look on anyone.
We caution you, though – don’t jump right into a date by peppering her with “qualifying” questions or it’s going to feel like a job interview and will probably turn her off.
Start out slow. Just talk to her, sharing information about yourself and be willing to listen in return. As you build mutual attraction and interest, you can start gradually introducing your “qualifiers” into the conversation.
Here’s the takeaway we want you to leave with: Women are attracted to men who are a bit of a challenge. No woman likes a pushover or a target that’s too easy. So spend a little time getting the woman to invest in YOU, rather than worrying about investing too much into HER too soon.