How to get a girlfriend: 7 steps to finding a good woman

So, you want to know how to get a girlfriend. Presumably, you’re looking for a good woman. One to build a long-lasting genuine and intimate relationship with. I know this since you clicked on this article and what you’re looking for is normal.

Some might say it is a basic human need.

All things considered, getting a girlfriend isn’t rocket science. Yet, many guys don’t know how. Finding a good woman to date can be tricky and is a bit more difficult, especially nowadays.

Missed target

How to get a girlfriend VS How to sell a product: The correlation

Before I answer your question, let me ask you this. If I run a business and I’m looking for ways to boost sales, how do I find more customers and get them to buy from me? Advertising? Well, what if I tried that and didn’t see any results? It must be that my customers don’t buy, or that good customers don’t exist.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

To put it more simply, it is impossible to give a correct answer to the question above. The correct approach should be to ask a few follow up questions to understand my business better. What is it I’m selling? How do I provide value to my customers, and what do I want from them? Why would customers buy from me and how do I target them? I also would need to identify my ideal customer (demographics, spending habits etc)

It makes sense that I wouldn’t want to spend money and effort advertising to a bunch of people that have no intent to buy. I don’t care to appeal to people that don’t care for my product.

How does this answer the “How to get a girlfriend” question?

Forget that I’m comparing a business to relationships here for a second, and look at it this way: The product is you. The value of that product are your intentions and what you bring to the table. No woman will care that you ‘re single and available if you’re targeting the wrong type.

Your customer (ideal girlfriend) is someone who will want you for you. One who has interest in what you have to offer and your intentions.

It comes down to this:

When you ‘re looking to get a girlfriend, look for one that is interested in what you have to offer. One that sees value in you and has value to give back. One that will appreciate who you are and what you have to offer because she’s looking for the same.

You have to identify what your ideal girlfriend looks like. If you don’t, it will seem like she doesn’t exist.

The 7 steps to take to make getting a girlfriend easier:

Man in suit

1. Improve Yourself

This doesn’t mean you will not get a girlfriend until you become the perfect man, if one exists. By improving yourself, you raise your market value. With a higher market value, you will attract more women. The result is you having more choices. You will also be doing it for your own good and to feel better about yourself. Think of ways you can change and improve as a person, no matter how big or small. Make changes that will help you make progress towards becoming the best version of yourself.

Make changes such as:

Become more financially independent. Start working out. Start looking and dressing better. Work on your confidence and social skills. Get rid of the “I’m a victim” mentality based on previous failed relationships. Educate yourself on topics you find interesting. Pick up a hobby.

Only you know how you can improve yourself, get at it.

2. Know what you (really) want

You should stop wasting time on women that are not for you. Different people are looking for different things. It’s a no brainer to want to turn your focus on getting a girlfriend that wants the same out of a relationship. Find someone with similar interests and priorities in life. You’ve heard that opposites attract, but this is not true. Opposites will tire each other out in the long run. Go for compatibility.

3. Understand your personality

As an extrovert, you will want someone to match your energy. If you’re an introvert you’ll never be happy with someone that always wants to go out clubbing. Perhaps you’re the type of guy that likes to travel and explore, in that case, you want someone who would be up for an adventure. You want a partner that will enhance your life, and the ability to continue to do the things you love, with her.

4. Your moral compass

You don’t have to agree on everything when it comes to moral values. The point is to avoid a woman with opposite views than yours, or beliefs she may have that you find extreme. Don’t overlook this, or it will become a deal breaker down the line.

5. Identify Her traits

This is the part most guys have a difficult time figuring out. They either get lost being in love, or too naïve to realize that the girl they’re interested in might not have the intentions they think she has.

Look for: Signs that she’s interested in you. Red flags- some will be more obvious than others. Her past relationships and why they didn’t work out (does it sound like she was the problem?). Her family (did she grow up in a happy and healthy family environment?). Did she have a father figure in her life (and does she respect her father?). Does she argue with her parents, and how is her relationship with her siblings? What are her priorities? Does she only care about herself? Is she responsible, trustworthy and dependable? Ask her questions.

6. Know where to look

Now that you have a better understanding of what to look for, it’s time to figure out where to look. A good rule of thumb is to take notice of the place you ‘re looking for a girlfriend and see if the type woman you really want hangs out there. For example, if you‘re looking for a girlfriend who’s physically active and takes care of her body, then the gym would be a good place to meet her.


Best places to get a girlfriend

· (Paid) Online dating sites

The downside to free online dating is that a lot of women are using them as an ego boost. They want to get attention and to promote themselves and their social media. There is no doubt there are women that are seeking to find someone to date. But even they get overwhelmed with messages. As a result, they try filtering out any guy who isn’t perfect. This creates unrealistic expectations for women, and frustration for men. What this means, is that (free) online dating is being dominated by women wanting attention- and thirsty guys that play the numbers. . If you want to try online dating and get a girlfriend, your best bet would be to try a paid dating site or service. It only makes sense that a woman that signs up for a paid monthly membership, is in fact looking for a relationship.

· Through friends

If you have a large circle of friends, this is the best way to get a girlfriend. When you meet a woman through friends you already have something in common. You have the same friends. It is more likely to meet a good woman through your social circle than a stranger you started talking to online. With online dating, you know nothing about the other person, like the type of people she hangs out with. Meeting someone through mutual friends, you ‘ll know a little bit more about her from the get go. With online dating where you ‘d have to take her word based on what she has written in her bio.

· Through mutual activities and events

This includes work, school, social events, festivals, and the list goes on. This is the most genuine and organic way to meet someone. The fact that you both ended up in the same environment, shows some level of compatibility from the start. Start a conversation, see if there’s a connection, and take it from there.

· Out in public

You can meet a girl in virtually any situation. When you‘re out in public and see a woman that you find attractive, feel free to strike up a conversation. It can be in a form of small talk, a compliment or a comment about something relevant at the moment. If she’s interested, you will know. Be friendly and don’t come across as creepy. Back off if you see that she’s not feeling it-but don’t be afraid to give it a try.

How to act when you get a girlfriend

This is when a lot of guys mess it all up. They become attached and clingy. They get excited, and it shows. As a result, women get turned off. You’re the girl in the relationship when your excitement level is higher than hers. In most cases, she’ll end up breaking up with you, if you‘re in a relationship. And she will disappear(known as “ghosting” in the online dating world), if you just started talking. Instead, be cool and go with the flow. Avoid coming across as clingy, desperate and demanding. You will not succeed in making her “like you” more by demanding she does, or whining about it.

Consequences to dating the wrong person

You will eventually regret dating someone you are not compatible with. If you’re looking to get a girlfriend for the long term, it’s important to identify red flags early on. Red flags you ignore will become the reason you break up. Dating the wrong person will lead to uncertainty, confusion, arguments, and cheating. Things only get worse when you marry that person and have children with them. It will be a bad experience and a waste of time.

If things don’t work out, look at the bright side

Dating the wrong person is almost inevitable. It happens often and to most people. If you have ever been in a relationship, and are no longer, is because you dated the wrong person. The tips I share in this article should help cut the chances you end up dating someone who’s not right for you. The key is to learn from your mistakes and don’t give up. Understand why your relationship (or attempt to turn it into one) failed, and learn from it.

· If you initiated the break up, notice what was that you didn’t like about that person. Make sure the next woman that comes along isn’t the same way.

· If the woman broke up with you, it typically means she wasn’t looking for the same things as you or that there was something you did wrong. If you can admit that you did something wrong, just don’t repeat it in your next relationship. If she wasn’t looking for the same, make sure the next woman that comes along, is.

· Stick to your guns and keep looking. Just because the last relationship didn’t work out in the long run, doesn’t mean the next one won’t either.

· Have the “there are plenty of fish in the sea” mentality, but be smart about what type of fish you ‘re interested in catching-and avoid fishing in toxic waters.

Couple celebrating love


In summary, there is always someone out there who would be perfect for you. It may take time, and several failed attempts before you find someone who’s right for you. Increase your chances and market value by working on becoming a better version of yourself. Be smart and learn to identify red flags, traits and characteristics. Know what you like and dislike, what turns you on and off.

From there, gauge if the person you’re talking to is the person you want to be with. Take what you learned from your previous experience with women and dating, and apply them. You will be in a better position to make the right choice, and find the woman of your dreams to call your girlfriend.

5 thoughts on “How to get a girlfriend: 7 steps to finding a good woman”

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