How To Not Be a Simp (And What Makes You One)

Dating as a guy in 2021 can be extremely difficult. You have to deal with new dating apps, constantly shifting social norms and a global pandemic. All while trying to figure out if a girl likes you and the right way to pursue her. No matter how you decide to go about dating, it’s important to avoid common mistakes and learn how to not be a simp.

While you may feel like you are succeeding in courting a girl, a whole new language has developed to describe the success or failures of your dates. While dating jargon is constantly changing, you may have heard of one word emerge in popularity over the past couple of years: Simp.

If you’ve heard yourself called a simp you may be wondering: is it a good thing? What does it mean, and if it’s bad, how do I avoid being one?

What is a Simp?

A simp is a guy who is willing to do anything to win over or please a woman. He’ll do so without getting much in return. While you may think of this as a “nice guy”, a simp is more akin to groveling or begging than being nice.

For the older generation, being a simp is like being “whipped,” but a simp is gender-specific to only males. Someone who is whipped is usually in a relationship and is completely controlled by their significant other. Someone who is a simp doesn’t have to be in a relationship and completes overly nice acts and gestures in hopes of getting the girl.

The word has two different perceived origins. One origin suggests that simp is an acronym for “Sucker Idolizing Mediocre P*ssy.” Since 2020 the word has been associated as a short form of the word simpleton, which means fool or silly person.

What Makes You a Simp?

Now that we have defined what a simp is, you may be wondering how to tell if you are a simp yourself. Below are few indicators that you might be a simp.

You are Putting Yourself in an Inferior Position

When meeting a girl, you immediately consider yourself inferior and start thinking of ways to impress her. A simp would do this just to gain her attention and make himself likable. This is how you get taken advantage of and is a major mistake.

Over Valuing a Woman You Don’t Know

If you develop a crush on a woman that you barely know and put her on a pedestal, then chances are you are simp. It’s okay to think highly of someone that you love or have known for a long time, but a woman who you hardly know has done nothing to earn this status.

Being Nice to Get a Date or to Get Laid

A simp is a man who is being nice to manipulate a woman to give him her number to try to get laid. Don’t expect something from a woman in return for being nice. If you do, you are being a simp, and deserve that title.

Not Recognizing When You Have Been Friend Zoned

You’ve been hanging out with a woman, or known her for a long time, and have failed to make a romantic connection. If what you want is more than a friendship, then you need to realize that you have been friend-zoned. Simps often do not recognize the difference between a romantic relationship and friendship. To continue trying to gain favor with a woman after being friend-zoned makes you a simp.

You Defend Women in Every Situation

Women are like men, there are some women that suck and some who are amazing. When you defend women no matter the circumstance, then you may idolize women as a gender and therefore are a simp.

You Don’t Maintain Life Balance

Like with every part of life, it is important to maintain a healthy balance between trying to attract women and spending time doing other things. An individual who spends the majority of his time trying to attract women or thinking of ways to attract women is a simp, and a desperate one at that.

You Maintain Non-Reciprocal Relations

When you find yourself always initiating and trying too hard without seeing any effort from your partner, then you are in a non-reciprocal relationship. Those who are in non-reciprocal relationships are by definition a simp.

Put Others’ Needs Ahead of Yours

If you are always putting women’s needs, especially women who you barely know, ahead of your own, then you are a simp. This demonstrates that you value a potential relationship more than your own needs.

Throwing Money at Women

Using money to attract women is a simp-like behavior. You should want to be with a woman, because of your emotional connection with them. If you are spending endless cash to impress a woman, then they are attracted to your money, not you.

If you’re guilty of doing any of these behaviors then chances are you are a simp. The good news is now that we have identified what a simp is and the classic behaviors, it’s time to look at how to avoid behaving like one.

man begging for love

The Difference Between Being a Simp and Being Kind

It’s important to point out that there is a difference between being a simp and being kind. The internet and social media have construed being a simp as being kind to a woman or being “soft.” There is a distinct line between being kind to a woman and being a simp.

Chivalry for the sake of chivalry is not being a simp. If you are kind and respectful towards a woman without expecting something in return, then you are not acting like a simp. In other words, being a gentleman and treating someone with respect is not simp-like behavior.

How to Not be a Simp

If you have identified yourself as a simp, have been called a simp or just want to make sure that you are avoiding being a simp, all hope is not lost. There are a few ways to avoid becoming a simp or to stop being a simp if you are already.

  • Invest in Yourself

One of the best things that you can do to improve your personal and dating life is to invest in yourself. Take the time to do things you like. Focus on improving yourself, invest in yourself, and work on building skills that are important in your career and social life.

Investing in yourself will build self-confidence and raise your self-worth. This will transform you into a more likable and interesting person. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a confident man who knows what he wants in life. If you focus on yourself, the right woman will come. Doing so will help you avoid basing your self-worth on your success with women and your relationship with them.

  • Keep Variety in Your Life

While going on dates and putting yourself in situations to meet the right woman is important, it should not be your sole priority. Make sure that you have other activities in your life that don’t involve meeting women. If you have friends, hobbies, and other interests in your life it will make you more appealing to a woman and help later on in your relationship.

  • Avoid Non-Reciprocal Relationships

If you are in a relationship with a woman, take some time to consider if it’s reciprocal. If you are always the one giving up other hobbies and activities to spend time with a woman, then you may want to reconsider. You will grow to resent a non-reciprocal relationship and always giving into a woman makes you a simp.

  • Don’t be Cheap

Earlier in the article we mentioned that a simp-like behavior is flaunting your money to attract a woman. While this is true, it does not mean that you should be cheap. It’s okay to spend money on a woman that you are in a healthy, reciprocal relationship with. It’s also okay to pay for a date. You need to make sure that a woman is attracted to your personality and vice versa before you spend a lot of money on the relationship.

  • Don’t be Superficial

Everyone wants to be with someone they are physically attracted to, but this should never be the only reason you are with someone. By all means, go ask the hot girl at the bar for her number. But before getting serious with her, make sure that you have an emotional connection and feelings are mutual.

Relationships that are based on physical attraction rarely work out. If you are with a girl just for her looks, then you will find yourself bending over backwards to please her. You will be trying to attract her with money to keep the relationship alive, while she’ll using her good looks to take advantage of you.

To avoid being a simp, think if you could still love the woman that you are with even when she is old and gray-and if she’d do the same if you were broke.

  • Be Respectful and Kind

Being respectful and kind is different than being a simp. If you are kind for the sake of being kind, then you will attract the right woman considering she’ll appreciate it. If you are nice for the purpose of making her like you, you will see the tables turn. You will find yourself in an inferior position where you have put her needs above yours hoping to start or maintain a relationship.


If you find that you are being a simp, that’s never a good thing. It is important to take some time to reconsider your approach in relationships with women and your role within them. Now that you know the characteristics of simp behavior, you can take action to avoid them and adopt some of the qualities that will keep you from being a simp. In the end, you’ll realize the only way to attract a woman is to be your true self while maintaining your self-worth and self-respect.

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