It’s just a fact of life that if you’re a straight guy, you’re going to find women attractive in a sexual way. But how can you stop looking at women lustfully and treating them like sex objects for your visual pleasure?
Let’s face it: attractive women are everywhere – in the grocery store, walking down the street, all over social media – there’s no escaping them. And do we really want to?
Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or even happily married, sexy women are going to catch your eye (and we won’t even get started on porn).
It’s an evolutionary fact and something as old as time. Somewhere around the time puberty hits, we’re going to start noticing attractive girls and women in a big way.
Even if you’re in a relationship with the hottest girl in the world, we’re men and we’re visual creatures.
There’s always going to be a cute butt, some nice cleavage, or a pair of sexy legs passing by and we can’t resist the urge to look. If you’ve been married to the same woman for a while, it’s probably even more difficult to stop staring lustfully and being attracted to other women.
What Does it Mean to Look at Someone Lustfully
Lust isn’t just a feeling; it’s an action. You’re looking at the hot girl in the tight sexy dress across the room, and your mind goes immediately to the things you’d like to do to her in the bedroom for your own sexual purposes.
Lust isn’t so much about being physically attracted to a woman as it is about self-gratification. It’s about objectifying a woman – looking at her not as a person, but as an object of self-fulfillment and sexual release.
Why Do Men Lust After Women?
You might as well ask, “Why is the sky blue?” It’s just something that is hard-wired into the biology and physiology of men. Don’t get us wrong, women lust after guys too! But it seems like men struggle with lust and straying in their relationships to a far greater degree.
Men usually have a stronger sex drive than women, and are more likely to think about and desire sex more often than women do. Men also seem to be much more visual creatures than women are and can get aroused simply by looking at a hot woman – which also explains why we’re more likely to watch porn, go to strip clubs, and the like.
How To Stop Looking at Women Lustfully
Even if it seems like the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, so to speak, the best way to stop looking lustfully at women is to tend to the grass on your own side – in other words, work on your own relationship. Studies show that people in happy relationships don’t notice people they would normally find attractive as much.
For people in healthy romantic relationships, no matter how attractive another person may be, they are almost like background noise. Sure, you can acknowledge the physical beauty of a woman, much like you might admire a beautiful piece of art in a museum. But it rarely goes further than that.
Some studies conducted suggest that if we’re asked to measure the attractiveness to someone of the opposite gender, people in happy relationships will tend to downplay the other person’s attractiveness, while playing up their own partner’s sexual attractiveness.
Sure, you may say, easier said than done. If a relationship is teetering on the brink of unhappiness or is already unhappy, it’s going to take a lot of work on the part of both partners to nurse it back to health.
So what things can you start to do right now to begin to stop viewing women as objects of lust, and focus on your relationship?
1. Stop Feeding The Habit
Especially in today’s world, men are continually being fed messages to look lustfully at women. We’re bombarded with sexually-provocative images of women everywhere. Porn is all too easily available, and movies, TV shows, magazines and billboards only serve to emphasize that women exist for your sexual desires only.
Try to limit your screen time, stop looking at porn (unless your partner is comfortable watching it together with you), and limit your exposure to ads and magazines with excessive sexual content.
There’s no way you’re going to be able to completely cut it all out since we live in the modern world and are surrounded by advertising and subliminal messages that sexualize and objectify women. But try to occupy your free time with other thoughts and activities.
Know that most advertisers are just trying to make you look, and you can limit the time you spend lusting after women’s bodies.
2. Catch Yourself Staring and Look Away
When you catch yourself checking out another woman, don’t deny her attractiveness. Try to admire her as you would a fine piece of art.
Acknowledge to yourself that you find her attractive, then look away. Don’t stand there staring and leering like a creeper; women rarely appreciate that, and might even feel threatened.
Try to redirect your mind to focus on your girlfriend, or your wife. If a sexy woman catches your eye and you start thinking lustful thoughts, redirect those thoughts to your girl or your wife. Whether it’s something physical like “My girlfriend has a cute butt,” or something less overtly sexual like “My wife has a beautiful smile,” reinforce in your mind the qualities that attract you to your current partner.
3. Ask a Friend To Help You
If you find yourself still struggling with ogling attractive women, ask a friend (who is not your partner) to keep you in check. Make sure it’s someone you respect, who also respects women and isn’t going to encourage you in the habit.
Simply knowing that a friend will keep you in check, makes it more likely that you’re going to cut way down on the time you spend looking lustfully at women – at least when you’re hanging out with them.
Old habits die hard. It’s also pretty difficult to discount our natural biologically-ingrained attraction to women, if you’re a straight guy. It will take time and practice, and you won’t always be successful. It’s called being a human being. But as with any self-improvement goal you set for yourself, it’s about progress, not perfection.
Making an effort to improve and focus on the current relationship in your life will make it likely that you’ll be able to see other women as human beings with brains and hearts, and not just sexual beings.
Take that lustful energy into the bedroom with your current partner and watch how much better your relationship gets!