No guy we know would willingly marry a woman they think is a psychopath. If you’ve been with a woman, who you now think of as “crazy wife”, for a long period of time, you might think you know everything about her – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
But there are cases where a person’s worst qualities don’t rear their heads until after the marriage vows are exchanged.
So, is your spouse just a little “crazy,” is she bipolar, or even a psychopath? Let’s get to unpacking…
Signs Your Wife is “Crazy” And Possibly a Psychopath
Only a certified mental health professional can make the diagnosis of whether the woman you’re married to is a true psychopath. But here’s a brief list of some pretty good ways to tell.
1. She Plays the Victim Card
Every time there’s a problem in your relationship or with other people, she likes to play the “damsel in distress,” and will complain, whine and cry about how she has been abused.
She is trying to get attention and pity.
2. She’s Narcissistic
Psychopaths have an artificially-inflated sense of self-worth and grandiosity.
Does she think she’s better than everyone around her? Is she constantly making conversations all about herself and her accomplishments, or is she obsessed with her looks and possessions?
If there are signs she’s a narcissist, she may be a psychopath.
3. She’s Promiscuous and Prone to Cheating
Psychopaths don’t feel remorse, guilt, or fear because they lack the proper functions in the part of the brain that produces those signals.
So your crazy wife is able to behave in horrible ways without feeling guilty or bad about it at all.
4. She Lacks Basic Social Skills
Your wife shouldn’t need reminders on how to treat you or other people with the basics of human kindness, fairness, or respect.
If she is constantly rude or arrogant with you or others and just seems to have total disregard for your feelings, she could be exhibiting psychopathic behavior.
5. She is Often Impulsive and Reckless
Because a psychopath does not comprehend societal norms, you may find your wife constantly making impulse buys or decisions without giving any thought to who else in her life is affected.
She seems to take delight in the “the rules don’t apply to me” idea.
6. She Has Questionable Morals
She lies, cheats and uses people to get what she wants from them. And she doesn’t seem to feel guilty or remorseful. Remember, those emotions are foreign to a psychopath.
7. She Never Accepts Responsibility for Her Actions
No matter what she has said or done, or how many people she’s hurt, it’s never her fault. And she often gets other people to do her “dirty work.”
8. She’s Always Bored
Psychopaths are known for needing to have constant exciting things happening in their lives to distract them from their constant level of boredom. They are “adrenaline seekers” to the max.
This is perhaps one of the few positive things about being with a psychopath – there will be an almost never-ending string of fun activities for you to do.
9. Her Behavior Has a Distinct Pattern
An isolated incident or two aren’t enough to categorize your wife as a psychopath, but if you see that she is repeating the same negative, irrational and abusive behaviors in your relationship over and over, it might be time to find a mental health-care professional for a diagnosis.
IF she is willing to do so.
Why is My Wife Mad All The Time?
- She’s exhausted, mentally and physically
Maybe she’s working outside the home plus raising your children. Or maybe going to school at the same time.
She might not complain, but she might be mad at you because she is simply exhausted and needs to vent.
- All the invisible work she does goes unnoticed, and she’s resentful about it
And by “invisible work” we mean things like taking care of the kids, the house, the cooking, the laundry, the bills, and everything else that she’s expected to do but doesn’t get paid for.
- Motherhood is wearing her out and making her feel powerless
If you have children together, she could have a short fuse because no matter how rewarding motherhood can be, it’s also tiring, frustrating and the so-called “rewards” aren’t always immediately apparent.
She has to deal with the whining, crying and needs of small children all day long if she is a stay-at-home-mom, and she may take it out on you at the end of the day.
Why is My Wife So Mean To Me?
- She’s unhappy with where she is in her life
Maybe she has put your needs and the needs of your children (if you have them) first for so many years, and she’s now feeling like her own dreams and aspirations have been put on the back burner.
- She may be depressed
She could have slid into a depression based on everything we just mentioned.
Her hormones may be out of whack. Whether it’s pregnancy, PMS or menopause, women have some serious hormonal issues going on that can cause them to be moody and reactive without meaning to be.
- She’s upset over unresolved issues from the past
Whether it’s the past between the two of you or further back than that, she might need therapy to help resolve past issues that make her angry and frustrated.
- She feels overworked and underappreciated
This is a very common sentiment with women who work outside the home, and with stay-at-home mothers, and even more so with women who try to balance both working and raising children.
We are living in a time where the work/life balance between men and women is becoming more equal; however, women are still generally seen to hold down most of the child-rearing and housekeeping.
- She no longer feels emotionally connected to you
Maybe you have both gotten so busy with your individual lives, with work and raising kids together, that you have begun to neglect each other and your relationship.
It’s a common tale and not at all unusual. Marriages take work to maintain, particularly when there are kids involved.
- She wants out of the marriage
Rather than have an uncomfortable and unpleasant confrontation with you about wanting a divorce, she is treating you badly with the hope that ultimately you will have had enough and ask for a divorce yourself.
How to Know if Your Marriage is Toxic
There are some toxic traits that are prevalent in unhealthy marriages. Here’s a short checklist of some signs that your marriage may be toxic.
- Toxic partners will belittle their significant other by making fun of them in front of others
- Any disagreement provokes extreme anger with the toxic partner. They have such a bad temper that it’s not possible to have a calm or meaningful discussion
- If the toxic person’s partner does something they don’t like, the toxic partner will try to provoke guilt in their partner. For example, if you decide to go back to school, your partner will make you feel guilty for “ignoring your family” instead of supporting you.
- A toxic partner will always be a “drama queen”; constantly overreacting to situations and always seeking comforting for their misery. This woman will always make it all about HER, and her hurt and anger
- Your narcissistic wife will argue, make crazy accusations, and will never take responsibility for her actions. Remember, narcissists are ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA
- A toxic wife will often be passive-aggressive. You might be expected to make all the decisions in the relationship, but YOU are also to blame whenever anything goes wrong. This passive-aggressiveness is a low-key but powerful way of exerting control over the marriage.
- She may promise to do things but almost never follows through, creating more stress and discord within the marriage.
- She seems possessive, controlling and jealous, questioning you 24/7 about your whereabouts and behavior, and basically making life miserable for you
- Nothing is ever good enough for the narcissistic psychopath woman. She drains your energy. Maybe you spent hours slaving over a hot stove cooking her a wonderful dinner, but she will find fault in the smallest detail, i.e., “The asparagus was overcooked.”
How Does a Female Psychopath Behave?
It’s true that female psychopaths are heard about much less frequently than male psychopaths.
Hollywood has made several movies about them – who could forget the famous bunny-boiling scene by jilted lover Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction? Or Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates)’ torture of James Caan’s author character in Misery?
And there aren’t a lot of studies focusing exclusively on female psychopaths in scientific literature – but they do exist.
The few studies that have been conducted indicate that an estimated 17% of incarcerated women fit the profile of a psychopath (as opposed to 30% of incarcerated males). But what about the population outside the prison system? Could you even possibly be married to a psychopath?
It’s not all that unusual, to be honest. It’s estimated that 1 in 100 people have the qualities of a psychopath. But that doesn’t mean they’re all crazy murderers.
In fact, most psychopaths fly low under the radar.
Your boss, your doctor, or your next-door neighbor could be a psychopath. Chances are pretty good that you’ve got at least one psychopath in your life…and it might even be your wife.
But because female psychopaths are not often discussed or seen in the news or the movies, we’re not as good at spotting them as we are male psychopaths.
Because they act differently.
So, if you want to know whether your wife may be a psychopath, you need to know how male and female psychopaths are different.
Differences in Narcissism
All psychopaths are also narcissists – meaning that they view themselves as better than everyone else around them. But men and women will express it differently.
Male narcissists are often found “flexing” all over social media, bragging about their accomplishments and their possessions and general superiority over all of mankind.
But female psychopaths are way more subtle and covert with their narcissism. They might be charming and complimentary to your face; but they will turn around and stab you in the back, figuratively speaking.
Differences in Aggression
Why do we hear so much more about male psychopaths than female psychopaths? For one, men are much more “out there” about it.
They are unabashedly aggressive and will abuse animals, get in physical altercations, or commit violent crimes.
And because of this, men are much more likely to be caught and jailed.
Female psychopaths tend to display their aggression differently. How? They might spread gossip about you at work. They will charm you while using you and manipulating you into doing what they want – and you may not even be aware of it.
If you do not comply with their wishes, they might threaten to harm or even kill themselves. They know how to pull people’s strings like a master puppeteer.
Ultimately, the difference between a male and a female psychopath comes down to this: Male psychopaths throw hands; female psychopaths throw shade.
But identifying a female psychopath is not as easy as you might think. Despite Hollywood’s portrayals of psychopaths, the vast majority are not murderous killers on a rampage.
Actually, a majority of them are what psychologists label “successful psychopaths” – they are your boss, lawyer, doctor, or even your fave celebrity.
So if you suspect your wife is a psychopath, she’s probably not likely to actually kill you. But she is very likely to harm you in ways that aren’t so immediately obvious, and to make your life a living hell.
What Happens When You Divorce a Woman With Bipolar Disorder?
In many cases, a man with a bipolar spouse eventually comes to the conclusion that he wants to get out of the marriage.
Also, a spouse suffering from bipolar disorder might totally reject any offers of help or therapy, even for many years. They might start acting out in other ways, become abusive to you, or develop substance abuse issues.
In any event, only you and your wife can come to this intensely personal decision together. Some men may choose to stay, and some may choose to leave.
It’s going to be a difficult choice and no outside party, even your therapist, can ultimately decide what’s right for you.
Should I Leave and Divorce My Bipolar Wife?
The unfortunate and simplest answer is probably “yes.” Most marriages involving a psychopathic partner will end in divorce.
Over time, the psychopath’s pattern of lying, aggression, gaslighting, abuse and refusal to accept responsibility for their actions will prove to be too much for their spouse to handle.
It’s often best to prepare yourself (and your children, if you have them) for the worst, while expecting the best. Know that while divorce is often the final outcome for couples who suffer from mental health issues, it doesn’t have to be. And you can still have an amicable relationship with your wife, even if the marriage does end in divorce.
It won’t be easy, but try not to judge your wife by her moods or actions caused by her illness. She won’t get better all at once, and definitely not without any kind of treatment.
They need time to recover between episodes and to get help for themselves. Don’t expect them to get better all at once or without any treatment.
You also need to note that even though divorce might be the most effective way to handle your unhealthy relationship, it isn’t the only option. Maybe you want to consider talk therapy to help you communicate more effectively.
Or maybe you need to take some time apart from your wife, to help both of you think more clearly about what you want. And to decide whether to work on your issues, and to decide whether you have a future together – or not.
Honestly, there isn’t much that you (or anyone else) can do to change a crazy person, a crazy wife or a flat out psychopath. As with any personality disorder, it’s not a person’s choice to be a psychopath; it’s simply how their brains are wired.
A psychopathic woman’s lack of empathy and her feeling unaffected by your suffering (or the suffering of others) is basically a disease of the emotional circuitry of her brain; mainly the part that feels interpersonal emotions.
As much as you might want her to act and react like a “normal” wife would, she simply may be incapable of these behaviors, thus making her a “crazy” wife.
It is up to you and your spouse to decide whether the two of you can co-exist in this type of relationship or not.
Whatever you decide, know that there are resources out there to support you and your decisions.