Leading Someone On: How To Know When She’s Playing You

When you start dating a new girl, you never know what her true intentions are. Even if she has told you that she is looking for a relationship, her actions will tell a different story. Before you start developing feelings, make sure she’s not the type of woman to be leading someone on.

black and white portrait of a man with confused look

What Does It Mean When Someone Is Leading You On?

Someone who is leading you on will make you believe that they are romantically interested in you. Often, they will make it appear as though the feelings are mutual. They’ll make you think they also want to pursue a romantic relationship with you.

Most guys fail to “see through” the girl they’re interested in. They struggle to look for patterns in her behavior that would suggest otherwise. For example, just because a girl is open to flirting doesn’t mean she’ll say “yes” when you ask her out.

Even a woman you’ve been dating for a while may not be looking for a relationship. She will not tell you that she is not looking for love but she will have you believe that you are on the right path. A path to a romantic relationship she has no true intentions of having.

A woman’s behavior will be contradictory when she is leading someone on. She will act as if she is interested in you one minute and then act more like she’s rejecting you the next. She might be friendly and affectionate. You would get the impression that she wants to take your relationship to the next level.

On the other hand, she’ll appear not committed. When you want to show her affection, she may pull away or act as if any affection makes her uncomfortable. You will think that you’re imagining the change in her behavior. The chances are that you’re not. 

sexy woman pulling a man's tie

How To Tell a Woman Is Playing You?

Most signs are subtle, others more obvious.

An example of a subtle sign would be her not trying. What I mean by this, is you are always the one to suggest do things, ask her to meet and initiate dates. You’ll be doing all the work.

At first, the signs will be subtle. You will assume she’s independent, with a broad social circle and her own interests. After all, autonomy is a desirable characteristic. Who wants a woman who is a total cling on in their life? You probably want time for yourself and to do things you enjoy doing alone or with friends, anyway. 

But time will tell, and only time can test her true intentions.

You would expect your relationship to progress and potentially get more serious as time goes on. You’re waiting for her to start calling you “babe” and referring to you as her boyfriend. This does not appear to be happening. There’s a chance that someone is leading you on.

man giving a woman a kiss on the cheek

Unintentionally Leading Someone On

There are several reasons why a woman will seem to be leading someone one. But there is a possibility that she might not even realize that she’s doing it. This doesn’t make it okay but at the same time, it’s important to be aware of it. It’s possible that she basically wants to be “good friends”.

If she’s a tactile person or a natural flirt, she might be unknowingly giving the impression that she wants to pursue something with you further. In essence, you’re misinterpreting her signals. It’s not your fault or hers; it’s a typical misunderstanding.

In other words, the girl in question could be as confused as you. Her leading you on may be nothing more than you not being on the same page.

It might be the case that she’s not ready nor wants a boyfriend. She is feeling peer pressure to make it look as if she’s with someone and she’s using you as her “cover”.

You will know if this is happening, when she seems friendly and behaves like your girlfriend around others, but when alone she becomes a different person.

Intentionally Leading You On

There are times when a woman is intentionaly leading you on. She’ll be all nice and friendly because she’s doesn’t want to look mean by rejecting you. She will make herself believe she’s being nice, but in reality she’s not doing you any favors.

Or you could be being used as a backup plan. The girl in question knows exactly what she’s doing and there’s another guy in the picture. The problem is, she doesn’t know how he feels about her.

The reason she’s leading you on is to “buy time” to see how things develop with this other guy, and maybe try to see if she can make him jealous in the process.

The whole idea of leading someone on is most definitely confusing, and pretty messed up. However, there is another reason why a girl might behave this way-she’s doing it for fun.

In essence, she is thriving off the excitement and drama of leading you on. She enjoys knowing you’re becoming attached and how you ‘re dealing with the whole situation. It’s a form of entertainment.

Also Read: Signs Of a Manipulative Woman

leading someone on

Ways a Woman Is Leading You On

There are several ways that a woman can lead you on. One telling sign is that she won’t ever introduce you to anyone as her boyfriend. If anyone asks if you two are dating, she’ll say that you’re just friends and laugh it off.

This is more likely to be a sign if you have been seeing each other for some time. Women wouldn’t want to introduce you to someone as their boyfriend when they know that’s not what you are.

Another sign you ‘re being led on, is when you ‘re never included in her plans. You might ask her what she’s doing at the weekend, she’ll be quick to say that she’s made plans to hang out with her friends.

The same is true when she talks about long-term plans. She doesn’t mention you in her future plans. When she talks about a place she’d like to move to or a future job she’s considering outside of town, she doesn’t seem to care what will happen between you two. She doesn’t anticipate you’ll be a part of her future-or ever be in a serious relationship with you.

When you question her about your relationship, she will tell you that she wants you. This is likely to draw you in and you could mistake this for thinking that she’s interested after all. It could be that she does want you, but not quite in the way that you hoped.

woman pulling man's hands


So, if you’ve confirmed that you’re being duped, what can you do? You don’t want this to go on any longer. It’s not only confusing, it’s also humiliating. You feel as if your integrity is fading. It can be hard to let go, especially if you like the girl.

There’s only one thing you should do: man up and get to the bottom of it. Let her know that if she wants to be with you she needs to step it up and quit playing games. She may try leading someone one, but that someone won’t be you.

Also Read: How To Get a Hotter Girlfriend

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