Forcing someone to do something is what we naturally do when we want the best for them. We do it when we deeply care about and want to protect them. It is an option and the last resort to make them do what’s best for their safety or well-being. Small children, for example, are forced to eat their vegetables and once they’re old enough they realize their mother wanted the best for their health. Teenagers are forced to study in school, and when they grow older, they understand the importance of a solid education.
There are times when forcing someone is not only never appreciated, but will have the opposite effect. I’m talking about romantic relationships. You should never force anyone to talk to you or do anything else.
Never Force Anyone to Talk to You For Selfish Reasons
You have to admit, the only reason to force a woman you like to do anything is for validation. You worry she doesn’t feel the same and doesn’t love you back. Calling you will prove she’s thinking of you. Answering your texts right away will show she was waiting for them. You want her to feel the same way you feel about her and prove it. But you can’t force it.
Feelings can’t be forced and most definitely you can’t make her fall in love with you.
You keep thinking to yourself that you want the best for her and want her to be with a good guy. This guy, you’ve convinced yourself, is you. But you don’t want the best for her, you want the best for you. You‘re selfish and you know it.
Out of fear of losing her, you resort to the last option. You start demanding you talk, even when deep down you know you should never force anyone to talk to you.
How Do You Know You‘re Being Forceful?
The more you try, the harder it gets. When you start to feel angry and frustrated that a woman doesn’t respond, it will result in her pulling away. She can sense your frustration and will want nothing to do with it.
When you continue to text, call or demand an explanation, the woman will become afraid. She will fear that she may have to deal with someone who won’t take no for an answer. This behavior will turn her off, and any bit of interest she may have had is now gone.
She has no choice but to look for an escape and ways to forget you.
At this point, you will end up getting your number blocked and will have helped her make up her mind. That she definitely doesn’t want anything to do with you.
You’re Being Forceful When:
- Expect her to reply to your calls and texts quickly
- Demand alone time with her to discuss things when she’s clearly not interested
- Get angry and demand an explanation when she cancels plans to meet you
- Are jealous of her friends or other men she spends time talking to
- Have considered or actually have shown up at her work so she’s forced to talk to you
- Have threatened her in any way
These actions are unhealthy and potentially dangerous. You will not only lose the girl but risk getting into legal trouble. With this behavior, you are conditioning yourself to be inferior to women. To plead for love and forced affection.
What to Do When She Doesn’t Want to Talk
- Give her time. Maybe she will decide to talk on her own.
- Don’t constantly ask her to talk
- Use good language and be non-threatening
- Keep your emotions in check
- Move on
Put yourself in her shoes and understand how it feels to be pushed around. Even if she wanted to talk, she will no longer. Women can be egotistical and being told what to do hurts their pride. It makes them feel less than human.
Never Force Anyone to Talk to You When Dating
Another scenario when you shouldn’t force someone to talk is when you are dating. You may have met the girl of your dreams, and even when everything seems to be going well at first, she disappears. She will stop any contact and not respond to your calls or text messages. This can happen with a woman you‘ve already been seeing, or someone you just met.
To describe this, there is a term called “ghosting.” It’s a new dating term referring to when someone cuts off communication for no apparent reason. They‘ve “transformed” into a “ghost”, and when they were around one day, they‘ve disappeared the next.
This is a reflection of their character. A woman that doesn’t have the decency to let you know she isn’t “feeling it” and leaves you wondering, is not worth pursuing. Consider yourself lucky that she showed this side of her so early on in the relationship. Never force a woman that has ghosted you to talk to you.
Don’t blow up her phone with calls and messages in hopes of getting a response. You can’t force a response, and the truth is she has probably already decided to never speak to you again.
Very rarely will a ghoster come back, and if they do, it’s not because you forced them to.
Never Force a Friend to Talk to You
Never, not only in love relationships but also in friendships, pressure anyone to talk to you. Make yourself available for conversation, but remember that the decision to stay in touch with someone is not entirely yours. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to keep communication and a relationship going.
To be happy and fulfilled, you should learn to be self-sufficient and not rely on the attention of others. You can come across as desperate when you beg for attention. Be confident and a fun person to be around with. Then people will want to spend time and be around you.
When you’re needy, no one will want to talk or hang out with you. If they do, it’s out of pity. A good friend will make the first move and reach out on their own.
Never Force Anyone to Stay in Your Life
A famous quote says “if you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be”. What this means is you should never force someone to stay with you. If you give them the option to leave and they come back, your connection is genuine and it is meant to be.
This is what you should aim for. To have people in your life who are there by choice.
There’s a benefit to letting people come into your life on their own. You will be more respected and a valuable man in their eyes. You can’t forcefully make someone part of your life, and expect them to think highly of you.
You’re setting up yourself to be miserable when you force anyone in your life. It will be like fighting a never-ending battle to make them stay. You will have a constant need to prove they’ve made the right choice, and you will no longer be your true self. That’s when you become someone you’re not just so you can please them. You will end up being taken advantage of, with them knowing that your biggest fear is losing them.
Eventually, you will lose the person along with any respect they may have had for you.
Never Force Someone to Love You
You can’t control someone’s feelings. You can only control how to handle your own. When your love for someone isn’t reciprocated, all you have control over is how you’ll let it affect you. Learn to control the temptation to be controlling and forceful. Realize that’s not the way.
Instead, accept the fact that she doesn’t love you the same way you do, and let her go.
Use your time and put effort into making new love connections. Focus on finding a woman who will fall in love with you. Someone who will appreciate who you are, and who has been looking for someone just like you. Someone you are forced to make them love you, aren’t worthy of your love in the first place.
The words love and chemistry often goes hand in hand. In order for true love to develop, there must be mutual feelings that develop when two people meet. When feelings aren’t mutual and love is one-sided, the person having the feelings suffers the most.
The other person either doesn’t care, or can’t do anything to help you. Their feelings can’t be manipulated to match what you’re feeling.
Never force anyone to talk to you; if they don’t on their own, they don’t like you.
Never force anyone to be in your life; if they wanted to, you wouldn’t have to force them
Never force someone to love you; if they wanted to, they would be loving you.
Nobody can be forced to do anything. Only you have the power to force yourself to adapt to new situations and manage your emotions. Only you have the power to force yourself to do this. This ability is powerful, and it’s a tool you can use to build your self-worth and self-reliance as a man.