What’s the deal with guys who have never had a girlfriend? Are they shy? Do women find them unattractive? Or are they the total opposite of that – are they players who just can’t seem to settle down and commit to one person?
The reasons why some guys have never had a girlfriend are myriad, and they aren’t all bad. Maybe you are that guy. Maybe you’ve just been focused on school or your career, or you just haven’t found someone you liked enough to make it official.
Signs That a Guy Has Never Had a Girlfriend
Here are some signs that a guy has never had a girlfriend:
1. You’re Awkward on the First Date
Of course, first dates are almost always awkward. But we are talking super, cringe-inducing awkward here. It’s not your fault. You just need practice, and sometimes it takes several dates to loosen up and get comfortable with someone.
2. You’re Not a Great Communicator
Men and women have different communication styles, and women in general tend to be better and more direct at communication than men. Again, this requires practice to make perfect…or at least better.
3. You Don’t Pick Up Obvious Signs A Woman Is Interested
Maybe the girl you’re on a date with really wants you to kiss her, but you’re just not getting the hint. You’re not picking up on her subtle or not-so-subtle clues.
4. You Are Too Eager For Commitment
You might be so excited at the prospect of actually getting a date with that hot girl that you come across as too excited and don’t play it cool. That can be off-putting for a lot of women.
So you may want to hold off on taking her home to meet Mom and Dad or picking out your china pattern right away. It takes time to truly get to know someone.
5. You Don’t Want To Commit
You either just never had the guts to ask a girl out, or maybe you’re terrified of commitment.
6. You Don’t Know How To Cook
If your idea of fine dining is a microwaved frozen Stouffer’s lasagna, you’re probably a bachelor. Takeout pizza is cool once in a while, but no girlfriend wants to eat fast food every time she sees you.
7. You’re Obsessed With Videogames
Unless the girl you’ve got your eye on is also a total gaming nerd, this will probably not be a cute quality.
8. You Don’t Plan Any Dates
Girls like to know that you’re putting some effort into making a relationship happen.
If you’ve never had a potential girlfriend get annoyed with you for not planning some fun dates, you are probably simply unaware. More lack of dating experience here.
9. Your Social Media Shows No History of an Ex Girlfriend
The girl you’re on a date with has stalked your social media accounts prior to going on a date with you. Trust us on this.
She could possibly think you just deleted all evidence of a relationship after a bad breakup.
But it’s usually pretty easy to tell whether someone’s been a lifelong bachelor by doing an FBI-level investigation of their social media accounts.
10. You Can’t Hold Eye Contact With Women
Intense eye contact can be intimidating, especially with a person to whom you’re attracted. You simply haven’t had many opportunities to get close to others very often.
11. You Don’t Know How To Compromise
Anyone who has been in a romantic relationship is very familiar with this lesson.
Because you’ve been a lone wolf for so long, you’ve gotten used to doing things your way, and haven’t considered the needs or wants of a potential girlfriend.
Compromise is the magic ingredient for any successful relationship.
12. Physical Contact Makes You Nervous
You haven’t spent enough time around girls or haven’t been on enough dates to be able to determine if she’ll be receptive to your advances.
13. You’re Shy In The Bedroom
Your confidence will grow with experience, as you get those sexual conquests under your belt.
14. You Have a Twin Bed, And Only One Pillow For It
If you want someone spending overnights at your place fairly regularly, you’re going to want to upgrade.
15. You’re a Virgin
This is pretty self-explanatory…and your right hand doesn’t count.
16. You Have No “Game”
If you’ve never had a girlfriend, you’re probably not very good at flirting. You need to practice.
Also Read: How Can a Shy Guy Attract a Girl?
Psychological Effects OF Never Having a Girlfriend
It can be pretty lonely to have never had a girlfriend at any age; no matter whether you’re 20 or 50-plus.
But aside from the loneliness that can come with being a single guy, what are the other ramifications?
The biggest impact on the guy who’s never had a girlfriend is that all the relational, developmental learning that the majority of people do in middle school, high school, or college hasn’t happened for you at that age, so it has to happen later.
This can be challenging, but not impossible to do. You may be, say, a 30-year-old man in most respects – in terms of where you are in your career, friendships, hobbies/interests, and family relationships.
But if you’ve never had that romantic relationship or even much dating experience, you may still feel emotionally at about the same level as an awkward 15-year-old boy who’s still trying to figure it all out.
One of the biggest challenges in a situation like this is that inexperienced guys can feel pressure to skip past the learning aspects of dating around and finding out what they like/don’t like in relationships.
They can be in such a rush that they are over-eager to commit.
It’s perfectly okay and even recommended for a guy to give himself permission to go slowly and date casually.
It’s also okay for this to feel strange and awkward because this is a whole uncharted territory for you.
It may be a good idea to have someone you can talk to openly about these matters, be it a therapist, family member, or friend with whom you feel comfortable.
Just make sure it’s someone you trust and respect to give you good advice and feedback about how they’ve handled experiences in their own dating lives.
Is It OK To Never Have Had a Girlfriend?
It’s perfectly OK to never have had a girlfriend. There are plenty of men out there who’ve made it to age 30, 40, or 50 and up without ever having had a serious relationship. Some get there unintentionally. Other men do it because, quite frankly, they enjoy being single.
People are allowed to live their lives and to do whatever works best for them.
For our purposes, though, we’re going to assume you WANT to ultimately have a girlfriend. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be sitting there reading this piece and thinking “What’s wrong with me?”
We’re here to help you sort it all out.
The fact you haven’t had a girlfriend up to this point is not the end of the world. Embarrassing? Frustrating? Awkward?
But it doesn’t necessarily mean anything is “wrong with you.”
It’s just part and parcel of learning to have the conversations and experiences that come with dating and romantic/sexual relationships. So you think you’re a late bloomer.
Remember, the famous painter Grandma Moses didn’t pick up a paintbrush until she was nearly 80 years old. “Late bloomer” does NOT equal “bad.” Not to worry, my guy.
Should You Tell a Girl You’ve Never Had a Girlfriend?
Chances are, if you’ve been on a few dates with a girl, you won’t really need to tell her. Women are generally pretty intuitive and good at figuring these things out.
However, she may ask you. How do you respond?
You should be honest and upfront with a date and potential girlfriend about the fact you’ve never had a girlfriend before…but only if they ask. We beg you and implore you NOT TO OFFER THIS INFORMATION UPFRONT. Your admission of being girlfriend-less up until this point, without being specifically asked that question, is likely to only paint a picture of you as needy and desperate.
And you don’t need that at all. You want to portray yourself as a confident and attractive man who is desirable to many women. So our advice would be, don’t lie if asked.
But treat this topic as if you were in the CIA. Everything should be on an absolute need-to-know basis.
How To Start Dating And Get a Girlfriend
No matter your age, we’re here to guide you over the bumps and potholes on your dating journey and help you get that girl (or woman) of your dreams! Let’s break it down here.
When You Never Had a Girlfriend At Age 20
Not to worry. You’re still pretty much a fresh-faced baby (even if you’re legally mostly an adult). At this stage of your life, people are still in school or figuring out what you want to be when you grow up.
There’s plenty of experimenting with dating and sex and just trying to figure stuff out. Twentysomethings are also more social-media savvy than ever.
So, get active on dating apps, or ask out the cute girl who sits near you in your psychology class. Go to school parties and sporting or cultural events.
Take a chance.
Date as many different girls as you can and reap the benefits of gaining experience.
You have the whole rest of your life to determine what type of girl you’d like as a girlfriend.
When You Never Had a Girlfriend At Age 30
At this stage of your life, it may seem as if all your buddies and co-workers are getting married, settling down, and having kids. You might feel left out, and that nagging “what am I doing wrong?” is still circling around in your brain.
Just understand that just because “everyone is doing it” or seems to be, doesn’t make you weird or wrong. That single guy role you have been playing will be long gone. It’s only a matter of time.
Someday, you will find love. Now, you are single. It’s just a stage in your life. Don’t give it more power than that. It’s just a stage.
If you are single at 30, your friends or family have probably been making comments about your relationship status for years. They have even suggested ways you could turn your single status into a relationship.
But have you ever stopped and wondered that maybe they could be projecting their own insecurities onto you?
They have probably never been single and maybe they are jealous of your independence. Maybe they are in bad relationships or marriages. You know what they say, “Misery loves company.”
While you’re out there trying to land your Ms. Right, try to celebrate your successes and the good in your life. Do you have a great career? Family? Friends? There is more to life than being in a relationship.
And the sooner you realize that the faster you will grow as a person. What’s important is to live in the moment as much as possible. When the relationship comes, you can add it to your list of successes.
When You Never Had a Girlfriend At Age 40
You’re 40 and never had a girlfriend, and you feel like you’re going through the dreaded “midlife crisis.” This decade is where never having had a girlfriend gets slightly trickier, though not at all impossible!
Lots of people in this age group are busy being married and/or raising children. But you are far from being the only guy in your forties who has never had a girlfriend.
You might want to take a class or join a group that interests you (online or in-person). Of course, you can also use online dating sites to try to meet someone special.
But in person, you may meet someone who likes what you like, and even if not, you can still meet great people and develop friendships while doing the group dynamic.
When You Never Had a Girlfriend At Age 50
Somewhere floating around on the Internet there’s a meme featuring a photo of an in-ground swimming pool with a cracked foundation, broken stairs, and just the tiniest bit of murky, dirty water and leaves in the bottom. The caption? “This is the dating pool in your fifties.”
Hilarious, right? Maybe not so much for the lonely gent who has made it through half a century of life flying solo.
While the accuracy of that meme might sting the mature single man, it’s not a reality you have to accept lying down.
Lots of people coming back into the dirty over-50 dating pool have already raised families and are either divorced or widowed.
But to level the playing field, for many of these women, the rise of dating apps/social media may be a whole new world to them.
If they were married for a long time, most likely they met their partner organically. In real life. What a concept!
So they may also be as awkward about getting back into dating as a newborn fawn stumbling around in the woods. Relax.
As with all the other ages, you can try the online dating thing. But it’s also a good idea to join a group or two where you actually meet people in real life.
A social media platform like Meetup is a great way to go about this. Whether you’re interested in bird-watching, salsa-dance classes, paddleboarding, or birdwatching, there’s a group for that.
You are pretty much guaranteed to have at least something in common with women you meet in these groups.
We hope this information has helped you know how to go about landing the right girlfriend for you and to know that there is absolutely no shame in being single.
Best of luck and may all your dates be good ones.