Power of Silence after a Break Up: No Contact Rule


Not knowing how to act after a breakup is normal. Some face it positively at the beginning and after a while perceive the dimension of what has happened. Others, more impulsive, tend to explode at the beginning and overcome the break-up little by little. At this stage, it’s important to understand the power of silence after a break-up and the effects of the no-contact rule.

To overcome these stages you must follow the no contact rule and believe in the power of silence after a break-up. You must avoid crossing paths with your ex-partner, calling her, or visiting places in common.

What Do I Achieve by Keeping Silent?

At the end of the relationship, usually, one of the two is more vulnerable to the situation and keeps in their mind the hope of being able to return at some point. In an effort not to lose contact with their ex-partner, they continue to message them in “friend mode” and share outings with mutual friends. Many insist on maintaining a non-sentimental relationship, but this difficulty in letting go of the other person can be very harmful.

Maintaining silence or applying the zero contact rule, we avoid adding pain to the heart that is already hurt.

This will make it easier and more efficient for you to get over your ex-partner. Silence may even result in the other person regaining interest in you and writing you again.

This not only applies only to love relationships, it also applies to friendships or any personal relationship that hurts us. 

young man staring at his laptop

Does the No-Contact Rule Always Apply After a Breakup?

Obviously you can apply it to all relationships, but it is more advisable to do so in those that have lasted a long time or have had devastating outcomes.

Remember that it is healthy to do this in all types of toxic relationships and not just love relationships.

If the ending of the relationship has been consensual, silence may not be necessary or obligatory. Some can maintain a healthy relationship with their ex-partner after a breakup.

There are times where non-contact is impossible. This happens, for example, if there are children in common. In these cases, you will avoid unnecessary contacts and limit the encounters only to situations where the well-being of your children is involved. 

It is good that, although the separation was not on good terms, your children are raised in a healthy environment where their parents treat each other with respect. This does not mean that you should follow her on social networks or exchange messages unnecessarily.

Benefits of the No-Contact Rule

When we injure any part of our body we take care of the wound from external factors.  We put a bandage on it, we avoid touching it so that it does not get infected and we keep it away from anything that could hurt it even more. When our heart is hurt, we should do the same. Avoid situations that cause us discomfort, protect it and keep it away from what hurts it.

Although the example may seem drastic, it is important to move away from our ex after a breakup. This will help us get over the situation easier and faster. The no-contact rule is a strong ally at this point. These are some benefits that you will get:

  • Instead of being focused on your ex’s life, you will have more time for yourself. Knowing your emotions, and knowing how to manage them will help you at every stage of your life.
  • You will show that you are an independent person, who does not require the constant attention of others.
  • You will be in control of the situation. When you break up with someone you can assume two roles: the victim, or the one who moves on. If you opt for the second option, the no contact rule will be a great ally in overcoming the breakup.

How to Apply the No-Contact Rule?

The first point is to control your stimuli. Not only eliminate physical contact but also meeting to chat or visiting places where you know your ex will be. Stopping seeing the person face to face will help.

The next step will be to sever any virtual links. This can be the most difficult. Replying to a message or commenting on a photo on Instagram seems “innocent”, but we don’t take the dimension of how one click will lead to another click, and one innocent message to yet another message. 

If you find it an impossible step to remove her from your social networks, take the easy way out. Nowadays, almost all platforms offer the option to mute people. This is a good option when you want to avoid being aware of a person.

These first two steps are the most important. Once you succeed, the others will be easier.

Avoid spending time with mutual friends. If you don’t want to get away from them, ask them not to talk to you about your ex. If they are good friends, they will understand and will help you with this. 

Eliminating indirect contact is also important. This refers to anything that reminds you of your ex other than people. We’re talking about photos, songs, places you used to visit frequently, and even meals you used to share together.

The list of things to eliminate may seem long, but once you do it you will see how you are taking a backpack off your back.

young woman sitting alone on the floor drinking tea

Signs “No Contact” is Working. 

At first you may think that you are not getting anything in return and that silence only brings problems to you. The truth is that it may cost you, but in the long run, it will have a lot of benefits. 

The first is that you will have had valuable time to get to know yourself better, to evaluate what you expect from a relationship.

It may be that after this stage, things will start to flow naturally and your ex-partner will want to get back in touch with you. Non-contact does not mean that it should be eternal, but until you have passed the grieving process and your wound is healed. That will be the moment when, if the situation arises, you will be able to have a friendship with your ex or even evaluate the possibility of rebuilding the relationship. 

Silence will not only be of benefit to you, but it will also help your ex cope with the separation in a good way.

It is likely that after this stage where both heal and solve what ailed them and can build a more solid and lasting relationship.

Silence as Revenge

Surely in some moment of anger or rage, you have stopped talking to your partner or friends for a few days to show them your anger. Although keeping silent in moments of anger is beneficial to prevent it from escalating, it is not good to prolong it over time or to do it as revenge.

Wanting to get your ex back is understandable. Hurt her feelings, no. Stopping talking to someone as revenge is a form of emotional masochism. You not only hurt the other person, but you also hurt yourself. What are you trying to accomplish? Do you want the person to come to you because you’re ignoring them?  In the long run, you will be recovering, if you succeed, a relationship from which you will not benefit.

No-Contact Rule and the Woman’s Psychology

To know how to deal with a breakup, it is good to understand that not all minds work the same way.

In many cases, the acceptance process is different between men and women.  Women tend to experience more emotional pain at the time of the breakup, which diminishes over the months. The mind of man, on the other hand, works the other way around. At first, he reacts positively. He may even get involved in a new relationship quickly. The process of mourning and recognition of what happened comes months later, usually when the ex is over it and starts to be with someone else. 

Although they react worse at first, women generally recover sooner from a breakup than men.

Knowing how the mind works and foreseeing that the overcoming process may be longer for a man, it is good for you to know the tools that will help you in the overcoming stage.

If you apply “no contact” from the first moment and maintain it over time, you will have an established routine for when the sad moments come. You will have already eliminated the connection channels from the beginning and it will be easier for you to stay away from your ex.

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