The Push/Pull technique is a flirting method and one of the ways to attract and pick up a woman. Many love and relationship experts will attest that using this technique on women you’re attracted to is likely to make them equally attracted to you.
In this article we’re going to show you how and why the push/pull technique works, plus give you examples you can start putting into practice almost immediately.
The push/pull technique is about psychological manipulation. It’s a mind game you play that will have women of all kinds lining up to get with you – if you play your cards right.
So, let’s start by defining exactly what the “push” and “pull” are…
When you “push” a girl, you are demonstrating that you are NOT interested in her.
When you “pull” a girl, you are demonstrating that you ARE interested in her.
So when you push and pull, you are using a mixture of both behaviors. It’s a delicate game of cat and mouse to intrigue and lure the woman in, without appearing overly eager, i.e., a “simp”.
But it’s a delicate balancing act you will need to work on to perfect. If you “push” the girl too much, you’ll come off as a jerk and will indeed push her away completely.
But if you “pull” too much, you’ll appear clingy, needy and downright annoying.
So combining and balancing both behaviors will give you the perfect mixture for romantic and sexual success.
Does It Work?
The push/pull technique most definitely can and does work! Women tend to make decisions with their hearts rather than with their brains. So if you are capable of making her feel strong emotions (and keeping her ever-so-slightly off-balance), you can’t help but capture her attention. You’ll be interesting to her, and you’ll be a challenge.
Here’s the secret: if all you’re giving her is constant adulation and endless compliments, she’s likely to find you kind of predictable – and that’s boring. You’re too easy, and she knows she can get you anytime she wants. It’s not exciting for her, and isn’t going to create any sparks or sexual tension. And since this is how most dudes attempt to flirt with women, you’ll be just one of hundreds of men that she will see as too easy – and did we mention BORING?
Whether she’s aware of it or not, most women secretly prefer the uncertainty of not knowing whether she can land a particular guy. Playing a bit “hard to get” with this technique will convey to her the psychological message that you’re a high-value man who can have his pick of women. People don’t tend to value things that come too easily to them, so if she has to chase you a bit, it will ultimately be more satisfying to her when she catches you.
Of course, it doesn’t seem to make sense that a woman would be attracted to a guy who pushes her away or keeps her at arm’s length. But, as we said before – women make romantic decisions with their hearts, not their heads.
Remember that for every “push,” there needs to be a “pull” to balance things out. If she seems super attracted, try giving her a little push with a sarcastic comment, or appearing to look around the room, checking out other women. And if it seems you’re losing her, reel her back in with a little “pull,” like a compliment or an affectionate touch.
Push/pull can be physical. For example, if she says something silly, you can playfully push her away, or even pretend to walk away from her. But then reach out and pull her back to you, telling her you were joking.
Push/pull can be verbal, in a sentence or a text (we’ll give you examples of those in a bit).
Always keep it balanced. Don’t push more than you pull, or vice versa. Otherwise the technique may very well backfire on you.
Know your limits. If you overdo it on the pushing or on your razor-sharp wit, you can come across as too sarcastic in your interactions with the girl and push her away. You will need to self-calibrate, so to speak. If you’re trying to hook this girl, you can’t rely solely on your words – you’ll need courage as well. And if you see that she’s uncomfortable with your advances, you can circle back around with a pull.
Furthermore, relying only on the push/pull technique is not a great way to build a deeper and more genuine connection with a potential partner. It’s a great and powerful technique to attract women, but ultimately, it’s not about proving who’s more quick-witted or intelligent. You’ll need to have, or at least develop, other conversational skills beyond some witty push/pull pickup lines – that’s if you want the relationship to last beyond a few hookups.
Push/Pull Technique Flirting Examples
Here are some examples of ways to “push” a girl:
- Closed-off body language. Crossing your arms or legs in front of you, facing your body away from her, and leaning back or away from her are all examples of this.
- Showing no interest in her or her interests. If she’s excitedly telling you about her most recent snowboarding trip to Mammoth Mountain and you stifle a yawn or don’t follow up with any enthusiasm or questions, it’s going to give “he’s not interested” vibes.
- Limiting your time with her. If you’re having a drink at the bar and she invites you to dance – or even back to her place – you come up with an excuse to get away, i.e., “Oh, sorry, I have to get up really early for work tomorrow.” Even if it’s killing you to do so – leave her wanting more!!
- Avoiding eye contact with her or looking away in the middle of a conversation.
- Conditional invitations. For example, if you say something like, “I’ll take you out for a drink IF you promise to be nice to me,” it places a restriction on the invite and makes you appear less than enthusiastic about her company.
Here are some examples of ways to “pull” a girl:
- Open body language. By this we mean orienting your whole body to face her, uncrossing your arms, “leaning in” to the conversation, smiling at her frequently.
- Maintaining eye contact with her. This will tell her that your focus is literally on her, and that what she says is interesting to you.
- Giving her compliments. Don’t overdo it, but make a point of finding some things to compliment her on – her eyes, outfit, dimples, or smile, for example.
- Finding ways to touch her. We don’t mean sexually – not yet, at least. But you might try a casual touch on her arm or hand, or maybe leaning over to brush a strand of hair out of her face (even if it’s not really there).
- Sharing similar interests and taking an interest in things she enjoys. Show enthusiasm when she talks about her love for hiking, yoga, her cats (even if you hate cats), or whatever. Play up your similarities while playing down your differences.
Push/Pull When Texting
Working your push/pull technique doesn’t always have to take place in person, either. Peep these examples of texts you can send her that will convey that you are definitely attracted to her…or are you??
- “You have an interesting look” (You’ll have her wondering what “interesting” means, and is that good or bad?)
- “You’re really cute. Too bad you’re not a (Dodgers/Angels/insert favorite sports team here) fan…”
- “That was a hot outfit you had on the other night – wasn’t really feeling those shoes though…”
- “You’re totally hot, but I never get involved with girls like you because you’re probably juggling 20 other dudes.”
- “We should get coffee sometime, as long as you promise me you’re not a psycho like my ex…”
- “Aw, you’re so adorable – when you’re not being annoying!”
You get the idea, right? You give her what you might call a backhanded compliment – just enough that she feels good, but tempered with a bit of sarcasm to leave her wondering just how interested you are. Yes, it’s a total mind game. But all’s fair in love and war, isn’t it?
Push/Pull With an Ex
Just as the push/pull method can work with a girl you’ve just met or are getting to know, it can also work with an ex-girlfriend you’re interested in getting back together with (or even just hooking up with).
The push/pull technique works by giving your ex a little bit of what they want, but also not being at her beck and call, leaving her wanting more.
If you give her what she wants all the time, it’s only natural that she’ll take you for granted, since she assumes you’ll be there all the time. You want her to feel like she’s getting closer to you, while not always being readily available to her.
Before attempting your push/pull game with an ex, we should note that it will only work well if you’ve taken some time to heal from the breakup (especially if YOU were the dumpee instead of the dumper). This means taking the time to make serious improvements in your own life and working on becoming the best version of yourself.
As you begin to text/speak and get closer with your ex, you will likely start making plans. But when she says “jump,” don’t you dare say “how high?” Make her wait a few hours, or even days, before you respond to her texts. Under no circumstances should you answer her phone calls all the time, nor should you fall all over yourself trying to return her calls. The key is to make her feel like you are a busy man living an interesting and exciting life, and that she is not your main priority right now. You want her to realize what she missed out on – especially if she’s the one who broke up with you!
The push/pull technique is an advanced flirting technique that should work well for you, whether you are looking for a one-night stand or a short or long-term relationship. But it takes time to master this skill set. So use some of our examples, and get out there and start practicing! In due time you’ll become a master of the push/pull game.