Putting Women on a Pedestal (The Biggest Mistake Guys Make)

Nothing quite beats the exhilarating high of when you’re falling for a girl in a new relationship. You see her as perfect, flawless, hottest, sexiest, smartest, funniest, most interesting girl in the world. You are obsessed with her every waking moment. You start to treat her like a queen, even though deep down you know you shouldn’t be putting women on a pedestal.

You are absolutely mesmerized by everything she says and does. She’s an absolute goddess. 

beauty queen with crown

It’s totally natural to feel this way in those first few heady weeks or even a few months into a new relationship. But if this continues for longer than that, be aware…you may be putting this woman on a pedestal. 

And that’s bad. Very bad.

So what does putting women on a pedestal mean and why is it bad for your relationship? Let’s take a closer look…

What Does it Mean To Put a Woman On a Pedestal?

Essentially, to put a woman on a pedestal means that you are idealizing her. You see her as flawless, perfect, and incapable of doing any wrong or making mistakes. And because you view this woman as perfection personified, you become incapable of acknowledging that she is also a human being just like you.

You can’t look at her objectively, in real life. 

As we mentioned, it’s completely normal to feel this way when you’re first getting involved and you’re on that crazy endorphin high in those early days. However, if you’re in a normal, healthy relationship, over time those feelings will likely subside, but they will be replaced by something even better.

feeding her strawberries

Once you get to know each other better, you won’t feel the need to be perfect or to idealize her. You will accept her for who she is, along with all her flaws, and it won’t detract from your feelings for her at all.

In fact, you will love her more because of them, and because of the fact that the two of you can be completely authentic with each other. Basically, the pressure is off. You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. It’s a good sign that your relationship is maturing, growing, and deepening. And there’s more to be said for that than all those crazy butterflies-in-your-stomach feelings in the early days. 

Sometimes, however, you can get trapped in that first stage of your relationship, when you see your girl as perfect and beyond reproach. Putting women on a pedestal is unhealthy for you and for the relationship in general. Why? Because you’re not only blind to their flaws, but you’re giving them characteristics in your mind that they may not even possess. 

Why You Shouldn’t Be Putting Women On a Pedestal (And Signs You’re Doing It)

Why is putting a woman on a pedestal an unhealthy behavior? For one thing, it blinds you to seeing a woman for who she really is. While it’s great to see the positive qualities of the girl you’re crushing on, to deny that she has any flaws isn’t doing you any favors, and in fact can be harmful or even downright dangerous for you. 

Putting a woman on a pedestal is bad both for you and for her. Because you think she is so flawless and superior that even you can’t compare with her – which is bad for your self-esteem and also gives her the upper hand in the relationship.

After all, if she is so perfect, or you see her as such, who holds all the cards in the relationship? She does. 

Putting your woman on a pedestal is also bad for HER. Why? Because attempting to live up to your idealization of her will likely end up being downright exhausting for her.

woman with back turned on man

She is a whole actual living, breathing, innately flawed human being, just like you are. She should be permitted to be human and to make mistakes, not to have to live up to some one-sided idealized version of herself that you have made her out to be.

What are some of the signs that you are putting a woman on a pedestal? 

  • You believe she is always right. Even if what she says or does is contrary to your opinions or beliefs
  • You are constantly putting her wants and desires before your own needs
  • You think she is the most beautiful, smartest, funniest, most perfect woman on the planet
  • You will never complain about anything she does or address any of her behaviors that you may not like, deep down
  • If she ever does or says anything “wrong,” you will fabricate excuses in your mind for why she needed to do it. In other words, she is never at fault
begging woman to stay

How To Refrain From Putting a Woman On a Pedestal

Going to be brutally honest with you here: The main reason you are probably putting women on a pedestal is because you are a Beta male with low self-esteem. You are so desperate for sex that you are willing to overlook all of the flaws and character defects in women that you idealize them in your mind just to get laid. 

If you have low self-esteem and feel like you have to have a woman in your life at all times, or are super clingy and needy, you’re going to put any potential girlfriends off because no woman enjoys that. Most want an Alpha male who is sure of himself and what he wants, whether they realize it or not. 

What you need to make your main priority is: Putting yourself on a pedestal! 

And what do we mean by this? We don’t mean taking that same idealization of the woman you’re trying to have sex with and applying it to yourself. Seeing yourself as infallible and flawless honestly isn’t any better than seeing women the same way.

What we mean is, invest in yourself. Know your worth and add tax!

Spend some serious time improving yourself and overcoming that Beta-male attitude. Whether than means spending more time in the gym, spending more time in the library, or just spending more time developing meaningful friendships and relationships outside of needing to just have a woman in your life to validate yourself. 

Once a woman sees that you are a man who is high-value and knows his worth, you won’t have to go chasing her down and idealizing her. It’s the women who are going to come after YOU.

YouTube Video by Courtney RyanStop Putting Women on a Pedestal

How To Take a Girl Off a Pedestal

Do you feel seen? If, after reading all this, you feel like you might have had the tendency to put your romantic partners on a pedestal throughout your life, congratulations! As the saying goes, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. 

It will take time and practice to stop putting women on a pedestal, but you can start by training your brain to look at the women you crush on in a more objective manner.

Keep reminding yourself that this girl is another human being just like you are, and that every human being is inherently flawed. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

How exhausting it would be to feel like you have to keep up with a perfect partner in a relationship, anyway. Admitting that you’re both imperfect is actually a huge relief, if you think about it.

putting women on a pedestal

Don’t be afraid to have discussions about some of her character traits that you may not be so crazy about. And in turn, allow her the freedom to discuss any issues she has with you in an open and honest manner. Frank communication is absolutely essential for the health and survival of any relationship, especially a romantic one. 

When you see this woman as a wonderful but also flawed person, it will free both you and her up to progress – and make mistakes along the way – in your relationship.

You can still admire her and be attracted to her – even if she is actually a mere mortal, and not the goddess you’ve been making her out to be all along.


Ironically, the sooner and more often you can admit that your crush or your partner isn’t a totally flawless goddess, the more likely it is that you will be able to see your partner as perhaps not perfect – but just maybe, perfect for you.

3 thoughts on “Putting Women on a Pedestal (The Biggest Mistake Guys Make)”

  1. Reading your article has greatly helped me, and I agree with you. But I still have some questions. Can you help me? I will pay attention to your answer. thank you.

  2. I agree with your point of view, your article has given me a lot of help and benefited me a lot. Thanks. Hope you continue to write such excellent articles.

  3. Pingback: Why Do Girls Take So Long To Reply? (Get Them To Respond) - King In Progress

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