If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic girlfriend, you may have found yourself being “love-bombed” in the beginning, then gaslighted and manipulated as the relationship has progressed.
You might feel like your relationship has been toxic, filled with drama – and even traumatic.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has been a buzzword in interpersonal relationships for several years now, but many people still aren’t entirely sure what it is.
Let’s explore the traits of a narcissistic girlfriend, and learn whether you might be dating one!
Signs of a Narcissistic Girlfriend
1. She Loves to Talk About Herself
Think your girlfriend might be a narcissist? Pay attention to the way she speaks. If she’s a narcissist, her favorite subject to discuss will be HERSELF – often in exaggerated, grandiose ways.
She is also someone who’s likely to dominate a conversation. She will want to talk about all of her achievements and accomplishments and wants the focus to be on her at all times.
Her social media often shows that she’s obsessed with her looks, her expensive possessions, and partaking in exciting travel and vacations meant to inspire envy in others.
To put it simply, it’s all about her.
2. She’s Charming and Romantic – But She Has an Edge
It may be difficult to spot a narcissistic woman right out of the gates, as they will try so hard to win you over during the beginning stages of a relationship.
They will often lure you into their web with their charming and charismatic ways, “love-bombing” you with exaggerated displays and pronouncements of affection, sex, gifts, and travel to make you feel special and win you over.
This may all seem too good to be true at first. While every guy wants a girl who is a good lover as well as charming and affectionate, beware the narcissistic girl.
She’s not really interested in you as much as she is interested in what she can get from you, or what you can do for her.
This is because at the core of every narcissist lies an empty hole, because they lack the ability to create real, true intimacy with others.
3. She’s Unreliable and Flaky
Narcissistic women aren’t known for being the most reliable people on earth.
Are you feeling like your girlfriend is there for you emotionally one minute, and gone the next? Does she have an annoying habit of continually breaking dates, or just generally not doing what she says she will do?
If you have noticed a pattern developing where your girlfriend is habitually unreliable, she might be a narcissist.
4. She Expects Instant Gratification
As much as narcissists want the spotlight to be all on them, they also want what they want when they want it.
And they want it NOW.
Maybe she blows up if you don’t answer her texts or phone calls RIGHT THAT INSTANT. Or maybe she’s always pushing for you to do things HER way.
If she gets annoyed or angry if you gently put her off, or say “no” to something you are uncomfortable with, and she keeps pressuring you, be advised. She might be a narcissist.
5. She Thinks the Rules Are For Other People
You might find your narcissist girlfriend to enjoy breaking rules and pushing societal boundaries and seems almost to get a high from “getting away with it.”
Some of these behaviors might include speeding or running stop signs when driving, stealing things, cutting in line, or not tipping wait staff.
True narcissists will also often show total disregard for the feelings, thoughts, property, time and space of other people.
They are notorious for overstepping their boundaries, using people, and casting them aside.
Instead of feeling shame or remorse, they take pride in their actions.
6. She Acts Entitled
Narcissists always feel like the most important person in the room. They expect people will cater to their needs, but they don’t feel the need to be considerate in return.
They feel the world revolves around them.
So when you’re on a date, pay attention to how your girlfriend treats the wait staff when you’re out to dinner; or to how she treats other customer service people.
If she is habitually rude or acting superior to them, she could have NPD tendencies.
7. She is a Master Manipulator.
Some narcissistic girlfriends are manipulative and will use their romantic partner to meet their own selfish needs, fulfill their dreams and ambitions, or to hide her own flaws and shortcomings.
8. She Puts Others Down to Boost Her Own Ego
The narcissistic woman will very often put others down to disguise her own deep-seated insecurity issues and to make herself appear superior.
She might talk about how incompetent her co-workers are, how jealous her friends are of her, or how clueless her family members are.
In a brand-new relationship, the narcissist woman will turn on the charm and “love-bomb” you with excessive compliments, gifts, and overt displays of affection.
But as time goes on you may notice your girlfriend’s jokes and comments becoming ever more passive-aggressive and judgemental.
It’s up to you to decide whether her comments on your work, personality, clothing, features or life priorities are constructive, or controlling.
9. She Lashes Out When You Don’t Give Her What She Wants.
Narcissists hate disappointment and rejection. So if you don’t give her what she wants when she wants it, she might react in one of the following ways:
- Anger. She might have a temper tantrum like a child. She may ridicule you or attack you personally.
- Passive-Aggressiveness. She may give you the silent treatment and deliberately withhold any displays of love or affection.
- Emotional Manipulation. She may act like the victim, blame you, and generally send you on a guilt trip. Pack your bags.
10. She Refuses to Commit to a Serious Relationship
If you and your girl have been dating for a while but she refuses to commit to you exclusively, she might be a narcissist.
A narcissistic girlfriend often wants to maintain an ongoing relationship with you, and having sex with you, but she’s refusing to commit because she’s always got one eye out for other “supplies” or “sources” (which is basically saying she always needs other partners who will feed her delusions of self-importance and grandeur).
How to Deal With a Narcissistic Girlfriend
Honestly, the best advice we can give you here is this:
If you suspect you are in a relationship with a narcissistic girlfriend, it is probably best for you if you cut your losses and walk away.
If you are truly looking for a loving relationship in which the two of you are equal partners, you are not going to find it if you’re dealing with a narcissistic girlfriend.
As much as you might think you love her, she will always love herself (or think she loves herself) first and foremost. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, the narcissistic woman has no real capacity for real love any empathy with anyone else.
You will constantly be trying to make her happy, and nothing you do will ever be good enough for her. You will constantly feel like you are under her thumb.
As painful as it may be, we strongly suggest you end this relationship with your narcissistic girlfriend, as it is toxic and will lead to nothing but drama and pain in the future.
What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist?
The truth about narcissists is that they can’t stand that they are being ignored… no matter who the person is that’s ignoring them.
So they will act out in big ways to try to get their power back, and the attention that they crave.
Here are some things that might happen when you try ignoring your narcissist girlfriend:
- She will get angry at being ignored. Remember, this is the very worst thing a narc can experience. They want attention and the focus on them 24/7. So she might last out at you with angry outbursts and punitive behavior (such as withholding affection or sex).
- She will pursue you harder. You might notice the overtly-loving texts, calls, big displays of PDA, or lavishing extra time, attention, and gifts on you. She wants to take back control and get you under her spell again.
- She will try to manipulate you. Narcissists are master puppeteers, so if she hasn’t yet found a new “supply” for love and adoration, she might play the guilt card.
- She will ignore you right back. Maybe because she is busy pursuing a new “source” who will adore her and put her on a pedestal.
However, here are some of the major benefits of ignoring your narcissistic girlfriend:
- You will be free from further abuse. A narcissist will always try to demean your self-worth and make you feel like you can’t live without them. When you ignore them and refuse to “feed” their egos and their need for attention, you win.
- You will experience self-growth and higher self-esteem now that you are free from the grasp of your narcissist girlfriend. They won’t be around to belittle and demean you to build themselves up. And you don’t honestly need that type of negativity in your life anyway. Ignoring her will piss her off even more. But that will show you exactly the type of person she really is.
Can a Narcissist Woman Love?
In a word, “no.” It is actually highly unlikely that your narcissistic girlfriend really loves you, let alone feels it towards you beyond the start of your relationship.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are simply not hard-wired to give and receive love in the sense that most other humans are able to do. Most, if not all, narcissists are simply incapable of truly loving and appreciating another human being.
They don’t care about their partner’s happiness or welfare unless it affects their own. Plus they are not generally willing to give up anything to make their boyfriends happy.
Their are only concerned ultimately with their own happiness.
However, true Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) exists in just a fraction of people — an estimated 0.5%–5% – in the United States. But people with narcissistic traits but not true NPD can actually experience love in the same way as other “normal” people.
Narcissists may act in loving ways, but their displays of love and affection depend mainly on what they are getting from their “supply” – in this case, you.
The narcissist looks at relationships almost like business transactions.
Their showing you love depends on what you give them in return. And if they aren’t getting much, they aren’t giving much.
What Drives a Narcissist Insane?
Here’s a list of things a true narcissist simply cannot abide:
- Not Being in Control
The narcissistic woman loves to control her partner and everyone around her. When she can’t do that, she will be a very unhappy camper. Because of her inflated level of self-importance, she loves to be able to call the shots.
- Being Ignored
This is a biggie. The narcissistic woman wants the focus to be on her, at all times. Being ignored is one of the things most likely to drive a narcissistic girlfriend over the edge.
The narcissist has a huge ego but deep down is extremely self-conscious and insecure, so even the slightest criticism is bound to provoke a huge negative reaction from your narcissistic girlfriend. If she flies into a rage because you’ve said you didn’t care for the color of her lipstick, she might be a narcissist.
The narcissistic woman simply hates losing to anyone, over anything. In her mind she is superior to everyone else and always wants to come out on top.
In her mind, the narcissistic girlfriend feels superior to all other humans, so the idea of being rejected for anything, whether it be a job or a relationship, is absolutely abhorrent to her.
- Being Compared Unfavorably to Others
The narcissist woman cannot stand not feeling like she is above everyone else; they are all her little minions in her mind. So you’re going to have a big problem on your hands if you start praising someone else who is NOT HER.
- Not Getting a Reaction From Others
It matters not to a narcissistic woman. Have you heard the expression “any attention is good attention?” This is basically a narcissist woman’s motto. Good or bad, as long as they are getting attention it doesn’t really matter.
- Feeling Exposed
Narcissists have a major tendency to bend the truth, or to outright lie, as long as it serves them and their purpose. So to be put on the spot, or to be called out for their fibs and untruths, makes the narcissist extremely displeased because they have an image they are trying desperately hard to protect.
- Seeing Other People Happy
Again, the narcissist makes it all about her, and seeing people she feels are more successful and happier than her will make her fly into a narcissistic rage.
What Causes a Woman to Be a Narcissist?
No one knows for certain why people develop narcissistic personality disorder. Just as with other mental health disorders, there is not one simple explanation. As well, NPD is found more often in males than in females.
However, here are a few reasons why a woman might exhibit symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
- The environment in which she was raised. Parents who either overly adore and coddle their child, or conversely, who overly criticize their child, may contribute to a woman having symptoms of NPD
- Genetics and biology. Just as height, eye color and hair color are inherited characteristics from one’s parents, so possibly can be traits of being a narcissist.
- Neurobiology. The connection between a woman’s brain and her thinking and subsequent behavior are likely to contribute to a narcissistic mindset.
NPD typically begins in one’s teenage years or in early adulthood. But not all kids who show traits of narcissism will go on to develop NPD (most children are very self-absorbed and this is completely natural).
How to Break Up With a Narcissist Girlfriend
It can be very tempting to try to beat the narcissist at their own game. However, playing mind games or trying to “get back” at your narcissist girlfriend probably isn’t the best idea.
The only way to truly take your power back is to stop engaging with her altogether.
That’s right. The best way to end things with a narcissist girlfriend is to go completely no contact. (Remember, one of the things a narcissist hates most is being ignored!) But this means more than physical distance.
You will have to create emotional distance from her in order to truly sever ties and escape this toxic relationship.
It can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to determine whether you might be dealing with a narcissistic girlfriend, especially in those passionate crazy days of a new relationship where you’re obsessed with her and are all too willing to overlook her flaws.
Narcissistic women are very tough to spot initially, when they are coming on strong and love-bombing you. It’s only after you’ve spent a significant amount of time together that you might be able to figure out if she’s a narcissist and is just using you for her own personal gain.
Hopefully this article has helped you to recognize a narcissistic girlfriend’s traits and how to avoid them! Knowledge is power, Kings in Progress!