Signs She’s Stringing You Along: How To Know The Truth


You’ve been dating a girl for some time now, and you’re really into her. She’s cute, she’s funny, she’s intelligent. Yet, you suspect the feelings aren’t mutual and she’s only with you for the short term. Is she truly into you and what are the signs she’s stringing you along?

You always seem to have a great time whenever you’re together but something about this budding relationship just isn’t sitting right with you. It feels like you’re more serious about it than she is, and you don’t know exactly where you stand with her.

man ignored

You’re ready to make things official, as in being exclusive and calling her your girl. But there are signs she’s stringing you along and doesn’t seem particularly interested in taking things to the next level, and you’re not sure why.

Some romantic relationships move at the speed of light, while others develop slowly with caution. There’s really no right or wrong way to date – and hopefully fall in love.

But at some point, every romantic relationship needs to have that defining moment, that “What are we?” question needs to be resolved.

So is she just taking things really slowly, or do you suspect she might be stringing you along and your Ms. Right might just be Ms. Right Now?

evil looking woman

Let’s get into it…

Is She Stringing Me Along Or Taking it Slow?

Here are several signs that she might be stringing you along:

  • She won’t put a “label” on your relationship or make it official. She won’t call you her boyfriend and she doesn’t seem too crazy about you calling her your girlfriend
  • She’s happy to have you take her out to expensive dinners and dates. This includes accepting gifts from you; but she doesn’t reciprocate or even offer to go Dutch. If you’re giving and giving and she is taking and taking, she might be stringing you along
  • She often cancels plans with you or changes them at the last minute. She may be telling you that “something came up” at the last second – and that “something” might be a date with a guy in whom she’s more interested
  • Your conversations aren’t that deep. They rarely go beyond “how’s the weather” type of stuff. She doesn’t ask you many questions about yourself or your ambitions. She’s reluctant to open up about herself and talk about her personal life.
  • She plays mind games with you and makes you feel off-balance and insecure. For example, she might tell you that she’s really into you, but when you’re out together in public she’s openly flirting with a bunch of other guys. You’re unsure of where you stand with her
  • She’s super nice and sweet to you when she needs something done for her. Whether it be a ride to the airport or someone to take care of her cat for the weekend. But less so when she’s not in need of help or favors
  • She’s reluctant to be seen out in public with you. And when you do go out together, she seems to treat you more like a friend than a romantic partner. As in, she doesn’t want to hold your hand, kiss you or hug you – little if any PDA at all. However, when you’re alone together in private, she’s only too happy to be all over you
  • When you text her, it takes her a long time to respond. She will take forever to respond and will either offer you no excuses as to why, or she’ll simply tell you she was just “really busy.” 
  • She won’t tell you she loves you. If you’ve already taken the plunge and told her you love her, she won’t tell you she loves you back. Nope, the “L” word seems to make her downright uncomfortable
confused professional man

Is She Stringing Me Along Or Playing Hard To Get?

Signs she’s stringing you along are often similar to the signs she’s playing hard to get. It’s going to be difficult to differentiate whether she’s really into you or just playing games with you in the beginning stages of many relationships.

People are generally guarded and protective of their feelings until they get to know a person better. Only when they feel a certain level of trust and comfort do most women feel okay with letting down their guard and truly being themselves. 

So how can you tell the difference? Here are a few ways:

Signs She’s Playing Hard to Get

  • She usually says yes when you ask her out on a date
  • She responds to your texts or calls, even if it’s a few hours later
  • She makes time to talk to you or see you even when she’s busy
  • She’s excited to introduce you to her friends and family
  • She tries to make you jealous by talking about other guys when she’s with you. She wants to see how you’ll react and whether you’re serious about her

On the other hand, here are some clues to look for that tell you she’s probably not all that into you:

Signs She’s Stringing You Along

  • She often turns you down for dates
  • She frequently tells you she’s “too busy” to get together
  • She doesn’t include you in group events with her friends or family and doesn’t seem to want any of them to meet you
  • She is secretive about other men but you catch her texting or sexting with other guys
  • She hangs out with you but there’s no sex and she doesn’t kiss you or show you any kind of physical affection
YouTube Video by Afterschool PsychologySigns she’s stringing you along

What To Do To Stop Her From Stringing You Along

We think there are two approaches you can take to stop this girl from leading you around by the nose. In either case, you’ve got to prepare yourself to lose this girl entirely.

But isn’t that preferable to continuing to live in a constant state of relationship limbo, never knowing the true status of your relationship, or how this girl really feels about you?

You can either:

Talk To Her About It

Sit her down and cut to the chase.

Tell her you need to have an honest conversation about your relationship status.

If you genuinely care about her and are interested in her, tell her so. And ask her how she feels about you, whether she wants to be exclusive and take your relationship to official boyfriend-girlfriend level.

But be prepared to hear some things you might not want to hear. And be ready to walk away from this pseudo-relationship with your pride intact. Know that you deserve better than to be her part-time plaything, or used for what you can give her without getting much in return.

Or:

Stop Giving Her All Your Attention

Start playing her stringing-along game yourself, and beat her at it!

Stop focusing exclusively on her. Busy yourself with living your best life. Make efforts to improve yourself. Go out with friends. Get a new hobby or two.

Make yourself as unavailable to this girl as she does to you, and see how she responds. Date a bunch of other women – the odds are you’re going to meet someone who thinks you’re worthy of full-time attention and commitment. 

man being ignored

How To Stop An Ex From Stringing You Along

Why would an ex come back into your life to try to string you along? Your ex is your ex for a reason, right? Things obviously didn’t work out between the two of you, so why would she want to keep you on the hook? 

Reasons An Ex Is Stringing You Along

  • She’s unsure or confused about her feelings for you
  • She’s talking to or already involved with someone else, but she wants to keep you on the back burner in case things fall through with Mr. New Guy
  • You dumped her and she wants to get revenge on you
  • She’s using you for what you can do for her or give her, like when the two of you were together 

Let’s preface how to stop this behavior on your end with the following two statements: “We teach people how to treat us.” And “what we allow is what will continue.”

We think these are words to live by.

People cannot take advantage of us without our permission. So if you’re allowing your ex to string you along, why would she stop?

signs she's stringing you along

How To Stop Your Ex From Using You

Don’t be a doormat for her to step all over. Set some firm boundaries for yourself and stick to them.

Just because you can’t forget the great sex between the two of you does not mean you should drop everything and be at her beck and call because she got a flat tire on the freeway, or because she locked herself out of her house.

We know you’re a nice guy and all, but…lean in real close and listen up…SHE IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE. 

If you feel you’re being used and abused, you probably are. You’re going to need to tell her, gently but firmly, that the two of you are no longer together, and that she is responsible for her own life and her own problems.

If she continues to text you and call you and try to keep you as her “backup plan” and you’re simply not into it, it might be time to block her.

Sounds extreme, but some women just won’t take a hint. Delete and block her number, and block her on all social media platforms. 

Then, go out and live your best life, and find a girl who won’t have you constantly second-guessing her true intentions and your relationship. She’s out there somewhere, waiting for you. Cut those strings and get going.

Also Read: Signs She’s a Keeper

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