We were having a discussion with an old friend about why a mutual friend of ours has never successfully convinced any woman to date him since his last girlfriend – more than three years ago. This particular guy is very popular with females, rarely telling a woman “no”.
You would think that to him, pulling a hot chick would be like shooting fish in a barrel. But such is not the case. And he also is not single by choice — in spite of meeting tons of women and going on many dates, his efforts have been in vain.
The general consensus was that, our mutual friend may be searching for a girlfriend a lot longer. Why? Because he is a “YES-man.”
The Downsides of Being a “Yes-Man”
What’s a yes man, you ask? He’s quite simply a guy for whom the word “no” isn’t a complete sentence, or even an option. He’s a doormat, wimp, brown-noser, bootlicker, a Beta male – and several other unflattering terms. And none of those adjectives are generally attractive to women.
This guy is a yes-man because he has no backbone at all. He seldom tells a woman no and as such he constantly gets used and taken advantage of by girls. He bends over backwards to accommodate the needs of every woman he’s trying to bag, but what he doesn’t realize is he is slowly sinking into that most dreaded of straight-guy places: the friendzone.
Instead of the lover or boyfriend he wants to be, he becomes her personal chauffer, errand boy, or sounding board. Nothing is more frustrating than when the girl you’re crushing on wants to spill the tea to you about the dude she had a one-night-stand with – especially when you wish YOU were that guy.
After trying to score a date in vain or after repeated rejections, the yes man will conclude that women just don’t deserve him or appreciate him because he’s “too nice”. He may give up on dating completely, or he may continue pursuing women who only see him as an asset in the friendzone.
Men who agree to anything are of the opinion they are being nice — and the saying that “nice guys finish last” isn’t honestly too far off the mark.
It doesn’t matter if you are as good-looking as Brad Pitt or have money like Elon Musk. If women perceive you as weak, with no confidence or opinions, they’re going to assume it extends to all areas of your life – that you can’t say no to your boss, friends, mother, and so on.
Yes-men get manipulated and taken advantage of and end of carrying other people’s baggage – and who wants that?
Why Telling a Woman No Is Important (And Attractive)
As nice and conflict-free as it sounds, most women don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who is a pushover or who agrees with her on every single thing.
MEN WHO HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT THINGS ARE WAY MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN YES-MEN.
Women don’t want to feel like they have to make all the decisions in a relationship, or that they are taking care of the both of you. It’s a give-and-take.
She doesn’t want to nag you or be the aggressive one because you seem to have a lack of an opinion about anything. And if she starts to feel like she’s the one having to do it all, she’s also likely to think, “Why do I need this dude in my life? I’m better off single; at least that way I’ll only have one person to take care of!”
So, if you really want to get out of the friendzone and into the dating zone, we sincerely advise you to try forming your own opinions, and saying “No” to things you disagree with or dislike more often. And that includes telling a woman “no” from time to time.
Remember what we told you before: “No” is a complete sentence. And ultimately, you will get more respect (and hopefully a lot more successful dates) when you have opinions, and set boundaries.
How To Start Saying No and Being More Firm
Here are a few pointers to help you learn how to start telling a woman “no”. Remember to remain polite and respectful, while also being confident and firm. And please don’t let her guilt you into changing your mind, or she will keep walking all over you.
- Say “No” Because You’re Unavailable
Instead of making it seem like you’re saying no because you don’t like the woman, just establish with her that you have a set of pre-established rules.
For example: “I’d love to go out to dinner on Thursday night, but that’s my poker night with the guys” is all you need to say.
It’s polite, to-the-point, and lets her know that you’re not always going to drop whatever you’re doing or rearrange previously-made plans for her.
- Say “No“ When You Have Important Plans
“I would be more than happy to take you to the airport that morning; unfortunately, I’ve got an important business meeting scheduled.”
- Say “No” When You Have To Work or Study
“Going to that concert with you would be so much fun. I’d really love to but I decided to stay in and work on my dissertation because the deadline is coming up.”
This shows her that you’re interested, but you need to prioritize your work and educational goals sometimes.
- Say “No” But Offer an Alternative
Saying something like, “I really can’t meet you for coffee this Saturday morning, but can we plan something for next week?” is a good option.
It lets her know that you are interested, just unavailable at that time, while also taking the sting out of saying no.
- Say “No” Without Explaining Yourself
Just say “no”. Sometimes you will need to. This will take time to work up to being comfortable for you, especially if you’ve been so used to saying “yes.”
If this woman is pushing you and refuses to respect your boundaries, then there’s no need to soften the blow of “no.”
You’ll just have to say it as politely and firmly as you can, and walk away.