You have met someone on a dating site and you really seem to be hitting it off. The chemistry between the two of you over text is great, and sparks are flying. You’re exchanging sexy photos and videos and have talked about getting together. Only every time you try to make plans, she cancels, or something comes up at the last minute. Are you in a textationship?
What Are Textationships?
The website Urban Dictionary defines a textationship as “a friendly, romantic, sexual or intimate relationship, either brief or long-term, between two people whereby text messaging is utilized as the primary form of communication throughout.”
After weeks or even months of texting with a girl you have become comfortable with, you may feel like this so-called relationship is actually progressing. You feel like you can open up to this girl and you can be emotionally vulnerable with her.
But what if she balks or tells you she is too busy whenever you suggest making plans for a meet-up? Or if she does agree to meet you but suddenly cancels on you at the last minute?
These are pretty good indicators that you are in a textationship, and it’s a dead end.
Yes. That’s what textationships are. A dead end. A time waster. Over time you will realize that this woman is not at all interested in developing an actual relationship with you. You are a mere distraction, or perhaps an ego boost for her.
It is easier for her to stay anonymous behind a keyboard and a screen than to actually plan to get together and have a real date, where you can truly get to know one another.
If she really cared about you, she would make the time to see you in person. It’s that simple.
Are Text Relationships Real?
A relationship that is limited to texting only is not a real relationship. A textationship generally means that one or both people involved aren’t really interested in an actual relationship.
Textationships can make you feel like you’re in the worst kind of limbo. Your entire “relationship” is based on nothing but flirtatious texts because you haven’t ever dated or hung out together. Or if you have, it was brief and it’s not a regular thing at all.
These text-based relationships can be fun and can even seem like they are going somewhere, but are they really?
9 Signs You’re In a Textationship
Here are some ways to tell if that text-based girlfriend of yours isn’t legit:
1. Never Had Sex With Her
If you are having frequent virtual sexy times with each other, but you have never actually seen or touched this girl in person, it’s very likely that you will never actually end up between the sheets together.
If real sex hasn’t transpired between the two of you by now, it’s pretty likely that you both are only using each other for some fun. And you may not even realize it.
2. One Of You Is Always Busy
While it’s fun to have someone to talk with and may even make you feel like you are building a real relationship, if the two of you can never seem to find any time to actually be in the same place together, face-to-face, the relationship is going nowhere.
Remember, we make time for the things that are important to us.
3. Never Try To Make Plans
You and she are texting each other constantly throughout the day and night, sharing all kinds of details about your lives. But if neither of you are actively trying to make plans to get together, it’s pretty clear you’re not that eager to hang out with each other in person.
It’s understandable if one or the other of you is too shy to make the first move, but eventually someone has to go for it. If no one does, you are in a dead-end textationship.
4. She Stops Texting For a While
You’ve been texting like crazy day and night for weeks on end. Then suddenly, without warning, it’s like she’s fallen off the face of the earth. You haven’t heard from her for days or weeks. And then she might start talking to you again.
This is a clear sign that you are a mere distraction for her, and she’s not interested in taking it further than cyberspace.
Keep in mind that if her texts are getting shorter and less frequent with you, they’re probably getting longer with someone else.
5. Communication Has Slowed
Though you had been texting with her every day, you notice that your communication has dropped from every day to only a few times a week. Pretty soon you notice that you are only interacting through social media platforms – and even that isn’t happening very often.
It’s another sign that your relationship isn’t headed anywhere but to dead-ends-ville, and you should end things if you are looking for something real.
6. You Only Talk on Social Media
“Liking” each other’s posts or sending heart-eyed emojis to each other on Instagram or SnapChat is cute and fun, but if that’s your main form of communication, your relationship is likely doomed to remain an online one.
It’s just a diversion and a time-waster, nothing more.
7. You Feel Lonely
Even though you feel like you have a real connection with this girl via text, you are lonely and feel starved for affection and intimacy. That’s because you talk all the time but never actually see each other.
If you feel confused about your status as a couple it’s because of this: you’re in a textationship.
8. You Wonder If She’s Dating Others
The girl you’re texting with seems to have all the time in the world to text you, but she seems unable or unwilling to meet in person. So your gut feeling that’s she’s maybe got a boyfriend (or several) and is only texting with you because she’s bored or lonely is probably accurate.
It’s time to accept that you are not the only dude on her dance card, and she’s wasting your time.
9. You Are Afraid To Meet Her
Because you feel like you have talked about everything possible with her over text, you might think you actually know her. But you can’t imagine what you’ll talk about when you do actually meet up, and that scares you to death.
If you feel “all talked out” but neither of you has made the effort to go on an actual date, it’s probably time to move on.
Can You Build a Relationship Through Texting?
While texting is initially a great way to start to get to know someone and to lay down the foundations of a real relationship, keep in mind that textationships aren’t real relationships.
A real relationship will eventually require the two of you to spend time in each other’s presence. And fairly regularly, at that. No matter how many walls of text you’ve exchanged, nor how well you think you know a girl, you simply can’t have a real and authentic relationship without physically being together.
The girl you’ve been texting with doesn’t truly love you, because she doesn’t really know you! It doesn’t matter how many texts you’ve exchanged, nor even if she’s told you she loves you via text. All you know about this girl, and all she knows about you, are what you WANT each other to know – and chances are pretty good that neither of you are being entirely truthful.
You can’t possibly love someone without knowing who they truly are in person, warts and all. To be in a real relationship, you need to actually be in her presence, to spend time together and to see how she acts – not only with you, but with other people, including both of your friends and family members.
Texting constantly without ever planning to meet up is the digital-age version of “pen pals.” The frequent communication can make you feel like you’re really close and connected, but it just isn’t the same thing as a real, physical relationship.
Texting is a great way to misinterpret what this girl is saying to you, as well as to miscommunicate your own feelings. Unlike speaking to someone face-to-face, or even on the phone, texting doesn’t allow us to convey the true meaning of what we’re trying to say through voice inflections or facial expressions.
It’s a very one-dimensional form of communication and much can be lost and misinterpreted along the way.
How To End a Textationship
So, after reading this article, you suspect you are probably in a textationship, and you’re not sure what you should do.
Since honesty is usually the best policy, you can always just ask the girl what she is looking for – a casual relationship, or something more? Giving your crush a chance to articulate what she hopes to get out of this text relationship gives you a clear and simple exit route.
Our recommendation on how to try to end your textationship and try to move it into the real world is this. Give the girl three opportunities to make plans with you, no more than that. If your online crush refuses to commit to even a casual coffee date or lunch, or cancels on you last-minute, it’s time to say “Sayonara” to this faux relationship and move along.
Textationships require almost zero effort and is a very lazy way to get to know someone. If this girl is already putting in minimal effort to actually get to know you, is this really a person you want to pursue? How much worse will it get down the road?
To all you guys who think you are in a textationship, know this: you deserve someone who is willing to put in the time and effort to get to know you in person. If you’ve given her multiple opportunities to meet up and have asked her out on several dates but she just keeps turning you down, it’s up to you to call it.
Stop texting her. Delete her number, block her, and move on.
Give yourself the opportunity to find someone who is willing to be yours – not only in the virtual world, but in the real world as well.
Also Read: Relationship Red Flags and Deal Breakers
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