Tips for the Second Date- When and How To Ask?

Getting a girl to like you and having her agree to go on a first date is a ton of work. It can sometimes take weeks of wooing, flirting, and being on your best behavior just to get her to agree to go on one date. The first date is new and exciting as you are just starting to get to know each other’s likes and interests. Then comes the time to ask for a second date. What are the tips for the second date and when do you ask her out, again?

Things are progressing nicely, but you are in that in-between phase where the relationship isn’t too serious yet, but you are now past the ‘just talking’ phase of the relationship. One wrong step can ruin all the effort that you’ve put into the relationship thus far. Here are a few tips to help ensure that you have a great second date and score the third date.

young couple having wine on their date

Why the Second Date is Important

The second date is arguable more important than the first date. First dates are always a little bit uncomfortable. You’re just starting to know each other, both parties are on their best behavior because they are trying to impress. Additionally, if the first date goes poorly, then people who are actually looking for a serious relationship are usually willing to at least go on a second date to see if the first date was a fluke.

In other words, the second date is where things start to get real. You can only put on a fake persona for so long. Discussions move past the basic what’s your favorite movie-type questions and you really start to tell if you like an individual’s personality.

Therefore whether it’s your last chance to impress or an opportunity to build a deeper connection the second date is crucial for the future of your relationship.

Tips for Planning the Second Date

Since the second date is a pivotal point in a relationship advanced planning and preparation are key to making it a success. Here are a few things to consider when going on a second date.

Should You Go on a Second Date?

The first thing to consider is if you should actually be going on a second date. Ask yourself these questions before deciding:

  • Did the first date go well?
  • Was there a connection?
  • What is your motive for the second date?
  • Are you interested in pursuing the relationship?

If the first date did not go well, that does not necessarily mean that you should not go on a second date. People get nervous on first dates and don’t always act like themselves. If you felt like something was off on the first date, but still feel a spark then go on a second date. It’s better to make sure that you do or don’t like a person before ending the relationship altogether.

You also need to consider why you are going on a second date. It’s okay if you are still feeling out the relationship and are trying to decide how far you want it to go.

Don’t go on a second date just to hook up. Hook-ups typically happen on a whim. At this point, you are at least semi-invested in the relationship. Going in with just the intention of hooking up will end poorly.

Reflect on the First Date

If you have decided that you do want a second date, take the time to reflect on your first date. Think about the things that you talked about. What your common interests were. What went over well and what didn’t. All of this should be taken into consideration when deciding on a second date.

back shot of couple walking with arms around each other

When to Ask for a Second Date

Asking while on the First Date

If the first date is going well, the best time to ask for a second date is at the end of the first date. One of the best ways to go about it is to ask for a second date when it comes up naturally in conversation during the first date. A good example of a second date ask coming up naturally on the first date is as follows:

Say you were both talking about a new bar that you wanted to try. During that conversation say something like, “We should go there sometime!” If she sounds excited about the prospect of going, mention it again at the end of the first date.

Ask if she would like to go to the said bar the following weekend. If she says yes, say that you will follow up with details. This gives you an excuse to reach out to her again and time to plan the date.

Asking After the First Date

If you aren’t sure that you want to go on a second date while you are on the first date, then it’s okay to wait to ask for a second date. You should not wait more than one or two days after your first date to ask for a second date.

When you decide that you’d like to go on a second date call or text her. It’s a good idea to mention something that you talked about on your first date and connect it to your ask for the second date.

Where to Go on the Second Date

Picking the right venue for your second date is key. The first date was all about the experience of getting to know your date. The second date is about the experience of the date itself.

The absolute best place to go on a second date is somewhere that she mentioned she’s interested in going that is a favorite of yours. If she mentioned liking Chinese food, take her to your favorite Chinese restaurant. If she mentioned liking hiking, take her to your favorite local trail. Here are some key things to consider when picking a venue:

  • Go somewhere you’ve been that you know will be a pleasant experience. The second date is not the time to try somewhere new.
  • Pick an activity or a restaurant that she mentioned wanting to try or liking.
  • Keep it somewhere public. Netflix and chill are too informal for the second date.
  • Don’t go somewhere overly expensive. This will put too much pressure on a new relationship.

If you are struggling to think of somewhere to go it’s best to choose an activity. Since this date is more about the experience, it’s good to have something interesting to do and talk about, rather than talking over drinks or dinner. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Stand-up comedy and drinks
  • Bowling and pizza
  • A walk in the park and a food truck
  • A brewery and a local hiking spot

This is a good test run to see what it would be like to do fun weekend activities with your date. While you want to impress your date, this is a good chance to test if you have a good time doing the things you enjoy with your date.

Prepare Some Conversational Topics

It’s a good idea to think about a few topics of conversation that you can bring up in case of a long awkward pause. Think about things that you didn’t ask or talk about on the first date. It’s okay to get a little more personal on the second date. A few suggested questions can include:

  • Do they want kids?
  • What are their political views?
  • Where have they traveled?
  • What are their career ambitions?

Make sure that you bring up these questions in a natural way so it doesn’t seem like you are interviewing her. Don’t plan too many questions and don’t feel like you have to ask them all. It’s better to just go with the natural flow of the conversation, than force pre-planned questions. They should only be used if there is a long lull in the conversation.

Tips for During the Date

Planning and preparation are a great way to put you in the best position to have a successful date. Unfortunately, there is only so much that you can actually control. Here are some tips to keep in mind while you are on the date to keep things going smoothly.

Try not to be Nervous

It is easier said than done, but try not to be too nervous. You’ve answered most of the unknowns on your first date, so the second date is an opportunity to just enjoy each other’s company. The less nervous you are, the more fun you will have.

Keep Sex off the Table

Don’t go into the second date planning to have sex. You should focus on trying to build a meaningful connection during the date rather than trying to get her naked. If all you are thinking about is what will happen at the end of the night, then the date won’t go well.

If the date is going well, physical interaction is okay. Holding hands, footsies and kissing are all okay if the mood is right.

Focus on Getting to Know Them

Make sure that you are paying attention to what your date is saying. The goal of the second date is to get to know your date so paying attention to what they are saying and giving meaningful responses are important. Your date will appreciate the attention.

Be Supportive and Positive

Try to keep all of your responses positive. Your date will pick up on your positive energy and associate it with a positive experience. It’s also important to be supportive of any ideas or dreams that she shares with you. This is a test for a future relationship, so she will want to see that you can support her.

Know the Signs for How the Date is Going

Typically a gut check is the best way to tell how the date is going. If you feel like the date is going well, then it probably is. If you have a bad feeling or something seems off, then the date is probably not going well.

One way to know if the date is going well is to see if your date’s voice is getting louder as the night progresses. If it is, then it means they are excited and enjoying their time. Of course, alcohol and the background noise level can also affect this.

Another good sign is if you are laughing at the same time or the same things. Research shows that if you find the same things funny, there is probably a romantic interest there.

One final way to know if the date is going well is if she is including you in her future plans. If she’s talking about going to a concert with you in a few months or trying a new restaurant in a week it means that the date is going well. You should include her in your future plans as well if you are enjoying the date.

Don’t Cut Off the Date Early

If you are enjoying the date and your planned activity is over move on to a new location. There’s no sense in ending the date early if you are having a good time.

Tips for After the Second Date

After the date is all said and done with you have to decide if you want to go on a second date. If the date went well, then the next steps are pretty easy. You can start planning your third date. The steps are fairly similar to your second date, although at this point you can get a little less formal and a little more intimate. You can progress in this manner until you feel like it’s time to define the relationship.

If you feel that the date didn’t go well things get a little more complicated. If you feel that there might still be a romantic spark and that it was just an off night you can plan a third date. If it still isn’t working after three dates, it’s probably safe to say that you can end the relationship.

If you aren’t interested in going on another date, then it’s important to communicate this with the girl. After two dates you’ve committed enough time that it’s common courtesy to let the girl know that you are no longer interested in pursuing the relationship. Ghosting her at this point would be considered rude.

All in all, if you follow these tips, keep things light and have fun you will set yourself to have the best possible second date.

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