When She Pulls Away: Why She’s Making Herself Unavailable

When the girl you‘re interested in no longer seems to be interested back, something’s wrong. There are many reasons why she pulls away which we’ll discuss in this article. When she pulls away, the first thing you need to know is that in most cases, it isn’t your fault.

Women seem to lose interest at a drop of a hat, it’s almost as if they‘re looking for reasons to retreat. What’s worst is how the girl you’ve been talking to pulls back when you know you haven’t done anything wrong. Why do women pull away? And what is there to do when she pulls away?

woman pulling away

The short answer to what you can do is this: When she pulls away do (almost) nothing! What do I mean by almost? Give her the benefit of a doubt. Don’t cut ties with her until you are certain she is in fact distancing herself from you.

When she pulls away, the issue is inside her brain– and how she perceives things and operates as a person. When you notice reoccurring signs she is pulling away, she’s legitimately trying to avoid you. At this point, you can bring it up and ask her to tell you what’s going on.

On the flip side, when she seems to pull back sometimes, and cancels plans on a rare occasion, it doesn’t mean she’s no longer interested. Things happen and there may be times she needs her space and time alone to focus on a personal manner. That’s fine, and I’m sure you understand.

Your concern isn’t about the sporadic pulling back, but when it’s a constant battle to get her to talk, meet and open up. So let’s focus on the actual issue and what to do when she pulls away.

Woman sitting skeptical on a bench

To understand why women detach, you must understand what does it really mean when she pulls away. A woman pulls away when she doesn’t see a future with you. As a result, she decides to move on with her life, giving you as little attention as possible. She responds just enough, and in such a way, to let you know she’s no longer interested. She wants to avoid coming across as rude.

There are times when she may respond because she hasn’t made up her mind about what to do. She’s contemplating if she should wait a little more and see how she feels. She keeps contact, without making herself exactly available, until she knows for sure she doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.

What happens to a man when a woman pulls away? Most guys will be confused, blame themselves, and try that much harder. By doing these things you are only helping her make up her mind to stop talking to you.

Why? Because she couldn’t make up her mind if she wants you, and you gave her all the reasons she needed to pull back even more and eventually disappear.

Reasons She’s Pulling Away

You’re Not On The Same Page

She may be looking for something fun and casual when what you want is a stable and long-lasting relationship. This makes her uncomfortable and doesn’t want to continue seeing you. She may not want to hurt your feelings or be looking for ways to get rid of you down the road.

You’re Not Her Type

Just because a woman had shown some initial interest in you, it doesn’t mean you‘re the man of her dreams. It doesn’t even mean you’re the one she could see herself dating. Women are emotional and it could be that she only started talking to you because “she felt like it”.

To make things worst, women have a bigger selection of men willing to date them and make it obvious. This type of woman is always looking to “upgrade” her man and will start pulling back when there’s someone else in the picture.

She’s Confused

Even when she tells you she’s looking for a long-term relationship, like you are, it doesn’t mean it’s true. She’s not necessarily lying to you, but confused. She will start pulling back when things are getting serious.

For example, when seeing each other often, spending a lot of time talking and going on a lot of dates. The reason for this is she’s unsure if she does want something serious. She’s trying to give herself some space before it’s too late to tell you that she changed her mind.

She’s a “Bad” Person

She’s not a good person in the sense that she’s inconsiderate. She sees nothing wrong with pulling back and limiting any communication with you. In her mind, she doesn’t owe you anything.

These types of women have had bad experiences in the past and were treated badly in previous relationships. They have a hard time developing feelings and definitely don’t care about yours.

You Did Something Wrong

There are times that you either did or said something to turn her off. She may have been originally interested in you. She was looking forward to developing a loving relationship with you until you messed up.

If you‘re positive you haven’t said or done anything wrong, there’s something she found out about you and didn’t like. Some women will pull back instead of bringing it up and be open with their feelings.

Perhaps the one thing that honestly bothers her, and there’s nothing you can do about and she knows it.

She’s Done Using You

It’s more common than you might think for a woman to want to keep you around for a reason. If you were a nice guy, she was enjoying all the attention you were giving her and treating her like a princess. If you were supporting her emotionally, it could be that she doing better now and no longer needs you around.

All she ever wanted was someone to hang out with and have some fun with. She had no plans to pursue a romantic relationship with you.

Man comforting his girlfriend pulling away

Signs She Is Pulling Away

Becomes Unavailable

When the woman that once was available and suddenly claims to be busy making no time for you, she’s surely pulling back. This is especially true when you know for a fact there was no major change in her life, like working longer hours.

You will know when she’s no longer available when she starts canceling plans. She’ll tell you how busy she’ll be in the upcoming days or months. Being unavailable also means she’ll be the first to end a conversation and eager to hang up the phone.

Being unavailable means she has no will to invest her time and effort in you, making it a clear sign she’s pulling away.

Doesn’t Contact You First

There are times she is pulling away without making it obvious. She will continue to respond to your messages, answer your phone calls, and agree to go out with you. Problem is, it‘ll feel like you‘re the one to always initiate. This is a bad sign for two reasons.

First, she expects you to reach out and make plans without needing to put in any effort herself. Another reason she no longer initiates to talk or see you is she’s hoping you‘ll get the hint without her actually having to tell you.

In the meantime, she may use every opportunity you give for her benefit. Whether you treat her to dinner or spend time with her when she’s bored, she’ll continue to use you any way she can.

Short Responses

Another indicator she’s pulling away is when she keeps her responses short. This could be a single-word answer to a question or an emoji when you share a funny story with her.

She is not putting in the effort to have a conversation when her replies are short and dry. What she’s trying to tell you is she doesn’t want to continue the conversation.

Would Rather Meet With Friends

She may cancel plans with you, then find out she was hanging out with friends. When it becomes clear she’d rather use her free time to hang out with people other than you, she has lost interest. You will know she’s pulling away when this is something she does often.

Additionally, it’s also a bad sign when she only hangs out with you within a group. It’s an attempt from her to divert any romantic connection you might have had to a friendship.

Compliments Make Her Uneasy

A girl who is no longer interested, will not want to receive compliments. She may look bothered when you‘re flirting with her or simply accept the compliment with a smile and a “thank you”, then be quick to change the subject. When you‘re flirting with her when she’s trying to pull away, she doesn’t appreciate it.

Her goal is to cut ties and her focus is on getting you to understand that she’s pretty much done with you. When you continue to compliment her when she’s not into you, expect her to make drastic changes to push you away even further.

It could mean she will make herself even less available or disappear altogether.

She’s Not Open

She used to be an open book, pouring out her feelings and seeking emotional support. When she’s no longer the person you knew and has become private and mysterious, consider it a sign she’s pulling away.

People tend to keep their feelings to themselves and don’t open up to people they‘re not close to and feel a connection with. You are no longer someone she wants in her life.

Doesn’t Think About You

It will be obvious when she doesn’t care to impress you or do nice things for you. These can be as small as remembering your birthday or not taking the time to check on you if you were sick.

A woman that no longer does things for you isn’t necessarily doing it on purpose, but she legitimately doesn’t think about you.

When she pulls away infographic

What To Do When She Pulls Away

How should you react when a girl is pulling away? There’s not much you can do. More than likely she has made up her mind and doing anything other than giving her space will make her pull away even more.

At this point, you shouldn’t force her to give you an explanation-but you can bring it up. Tell her how you noticed her acting differently lately and that you were wondering if everything is OK.

Make yourself available to talk about it and discuss it, and leave it at that. It will get you nowhere when you start demanding an explanation.

The best thing to do is to give her space, let her know that you are aware of what’s going on, and let it be.

How To Prevent Women Pulling Away

The first step to prevent this from happening is to not give her reasons to pull away. A woman will pull away for many reasons and the only thing you have control over is yourself and how you come across.

This means to be careful not to be needy and show desperation.

A woman will most definitely want to pull away when she senses you have become obsessed with her. This puts weight on her shoulders she’s not willing to carry.

Avoid being creepy and sticking your nose in her business. Just because a woman has shown interest in you doesn’t mean she’s willing to give up her independence. When you‘re controlling and are asking where she is or what she’s doing, this is stressful, creepy, and definitely a turn-off.

Be yourself, and be confident in yourself. This means you have a life of your own, which doesn’t revolve around hers. While there is no guarantee a woman will not pull away from a man who’s confident, knowing that you will handle it well will make her less likely to pull away.

If she’s planning to end things, it’s more likely she’ll be open about it and let you know in a straightforward way.


It’s confusing and can put you in a state of devastation when the woman you‘ve developed feelings for is starting to pull away. You can feel there’s no longer a connection and can do nothing but watch her drift away. It’s important to understand the reasons for this common phenomenon.

Look for signs to look out for and ways you can prevent it from happening again. Work on conserving your energy and excitement when you first meet someone, so you will be less invested when she does decide to pull away and move on.

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