You see a beautiful girl across the bar or at a coffee shop. You really want to approach her but you don’t know if she’s single and available. How should you respond when she says she has a boyfriend and is in a relationship?
Since we don’t walk around with our relationship statuses branded on our foreheads, it usually takes a bit of time and guesswork to figure out of the object of your desire is already spoken for.
For many women, it’s difficult to just reject a guy out-of-hand since most will attempt to be polite and to spare your feelings. And in some cases, rejection only makes a guy even more intent on pursuing a girl who claims to be unavailable.
So, does she really have a boyfriend already, or is she just trying to let you down easy? Or to complicate matters, is she giving you mixed signals by showing interest in you but still claiming to have a boyfriend? And what do you do?
Let’s break it all down here.
What To Do and How To Respond When She Says She Has a Boyfriend
Assuming you are interested in this girl as more than a friend, here are a variety of ways you can respond:
- “I’m not trying to hit on you.”
When a woman tells you “I have a boyfriend,” it’s often an indirect way of saying “I’m not interested in you” without coming across as rude. You can always say you are not trying to hit on her; you might just be talking to her because you’re in the same class together, or maybe you need her input in some type of group project.
- “Okay, that’s cool.”
If this girl tells you that she has a boyfriend, you can play it cool and still try to be friends with her. But if she says this in a defensive tone, it’s probably a good idea to back off so she thinks you’re not trying to steal her from her boyfriend.
- “Cool. I have a girlfriend too!”
This might show her that you didn’t mean to come across as hitting on her (even if you were). But be forewarned: some women might take this response to mean that you’re willing to cheat on your girlfriend with her if she is willing to cheat on her boyfriend with you.
- “Oh nice, say hi to him for me.”
Acknowledging that she has a significant other in her life could put her at ease with you and make her feel that you’re not hitting on her (even if you are).
Best Comebacks And Responses
- “Oh, sorry about that. I thought you were single.”
This is probably the best route to take. It’s best not to get aggressive or pushy when a girl tells you she has a boyfriend, as it’s likely to be a big turnoff. Sometimes men don’t (or won’t) take the hint when a woman says no, and will insist on buying her a drink or forcing conversation with her.
She’s likely to say she has a boyfriend (whether true or not) in an attempt to get a guy to leave her alone. Being polite and backing off quickly with a brief apology is way better than being a creepy, aggressive stalker. And who knows, it may just pique her interest in you.
- “Are you two pretty serious?”
You can always say this if you want to press her just a little bit – and if you don’t mind being that guy who potentially breaks up a relationship. But be prepared for more disappointment. You might get told flat-out to leave her alone – or you might get a drink thrown in your face.
But if you’re a gambling man, you have about a 50/50 chance that she might be willing to have a fling with you. It’s up to you if you want to go there.
- “I respect that. But if you guys ever break up, I hope you keep me in mind.”
This will show her that you are polite and respectful of her current situation, but that you are also patient and would be willing to swoop in to pick up the pieces if her relationship goes south.
Just remember to keep living your own life, though – don’t sit around and wait for her forever or ask her for updates on whether they’re still together every week. That will make you look like a sad loser and a stalker.
- “That’s OK with me…”
This comeback is quite a bit more risky than the others. You’re essentially telling her that you don’t care whether she has a boyfriend or not and you think she might want to cheat with you. If you’re looking to just get laid and you think she’s game, you could chance it.
However, it could also backfire on you very badly if she gets annoyed or angry with you for suggesting she cheat.
If She Says She Has a Boyfriend, Is She Rejecting You?
In a large percentage of these scenarios – yes, the girl is rejecting you without blatantly saying so. But there are other, less common reasons that a girl will tell you she has a boyfriend. Some of these are as follows:
- She wasn’t expecting/didn’t want to be approached and it is a knee-jerk response from her. Maybe she’s just trying to enjoy a girls’ night out with her friends and it’s an easy way to give you the brush-off.
- She knows you’re trying to hit on her but she actually has a boyfriend and is truly committed to her man.
- She wanted to be honest with you in order to “feel better” (or shift blame) in case the two of you end up sleeping together.
- She’s in an open relationship and/or very sexually liberated, and it’s just another topic of conversation along the lines of “I have a dog” or “I live downtown.”
Signs She Has a Boyfriend But Is Interested
Say she’s told you she has a boyfriend, but continues to talk with you. Was that just to test you? Was it a defense mechanism? Or might she actually be interested in you?
Women will often tell you they have a boyfriend for a few different reason, including the following:
- She’s not sure about you yet
- If she isn’t interested in you
- She actually does have a boyfriend!
And sometimes it is a test, on her part, to see how you react to her saying so.
The key here is to pay attention to HOW she says it, and her accompanying body language.
Is she avoiding eye contact, crossing her arms, moving her body away from you, and basically shutting you down when she tells you? In this case she might really have a boyfriend or she might just be rejecting your advances.
Either way, it’s time for you to recuse yourself from the awkward situation and move on.
She’s telling you “no.”
But if you’re getting different vibes from her, it could mean you’re not dead in the water yet. Does she seem receptive to conversation with you? Does she seem flirtatious? Is she leaning into you or even touching you on the arm occasionally? She could also be telling you that she has a boyfriend but is in an open relationship and just wants you to know she’s not technically “single.”
Or maybe her relationship is NOT open, but she might be open to you anyway. In other words, she’d be willing to cheat on her man with you. In a case like this, you’re going to need to let your conscience and your morals be your guide.
If you’re looking for more than a fling or to be a side piece for her, you might want to back off, because you’re potentially opening up a big old can of worms. (Not to mention possibly facing the wrath of her very angry boyfriend.)
It could be that you moved in on her too quickly or she’s a bit taken aback by you aggressive or overeager attitude, and this is her way of stopping you in your tracks while she decides whether she likes you and wants to get to know you better.
Women, as we well know, are complex creatures, and what they say isn’t always what they mean. We hope we’ve helped you navigate the tricky business of what to do and how to respond if they tell you they have a boyfriend.
Pay close attention to their body language and HOW they say what they say. Eventually you’ll get to the truth!