So, you’ve met a girl you think is really special, and you swear you’ve never felt like this before.
You’re oblivious to the fact that many relationships don’t last, and have no clue as to why relationships that move fast fail.
You’ve got that tingly, happy endorphin buzz and you’re pretty damned sure you’re falling in love…or at least in lust.
You’re already picturing your wedding, your love nest of a house, and how many kids you’ll have. She is just the most perfect person you’ve ever met.
You’re sure of it.
Hold your horses there, Bucko. You’ve only been on a few dates, and maybe you’ve only known this woman for a couple of weeks.
Before you plunge headlong into the blissful ocean of your perceived perfect relationship, it’s time to take a reality check.
How do you know whether you (and possibly she) are moving too fast?
Are you pushing things rather than allowing the relationship to unfold naturally and organically? Or is she really your forever soulmate?
Why Is It Bad If a Relationship Moves Fast?
Let’s start by noting that it isn’t ALWAYS bad to move quickly. We’ve all heard success stories of love matches where two people met and simply clicked from that moment on.
We know of couples who met, married in a few weeks or months’ time and have seemingly been together forever.
Maybe even your own parents or grandparents. Some people have all the luck, amirite?
However, some people rush quickly into a relationship for a variety of reasons – the number one reason being they are simply fearful of being alone.
So, why do relationships that move fast fail?
As anyone who has spent time in the dating world can probably tell you, there are lots of people out there looking to throw themselves headlong into a relationship with another.
The relationship they should really be working on is the one they have with themselves.
That means that these people should probably be in therapy, working on their fear of being alone or whatever else is causing them to rush the relationship, before taking any big leaps or making big decisions.
It’s an old story, but it’s often true that if a person isn’t happy with themselves, it’s going to be pretty tough for them to be happy with anyone else.
What Is Considered Moving Too Fast?
It generally takes time to get to know someone well, and a healthy relationship normally unfolds at a pace at which both partners feel comfortable, and both feel they’re building something healthy and substantive.
The best houses are built upon strong and solid foundations, to paraphrase an old saying. Again, this isn’t ALWAYS the case – but it’s true more often than not.
Why do relationships that move fast fail? Because there was no time to build a solid foundation.
If you are planning multiple dates in a single week with your new lady, you might be moving too fast.
Going on dates is, of course, how you get to know someone. However, you want to be able to process the date and think about that person, and yes, even miss her.
Going on lots of dates in a very brief amount of time just won’t give you that time you need to process.
One or two dates per week is a good recommendation when you’re starting to see a new person.
Similarly, if you can’t go an hour without texting your new crush, it could signal you need to dial it back a bit.
The need to stay in constant contact can not only be overwhelming and even annoying, it could signify your neediness and fear that your new girl will lose interest in or refuse to commit to you.
Try to play it cool and give her breaks from being in touch 24/7.
If you just ended a relationship and jumped into this new one, you could also be moving too quickly.
These types of “rebound” relationships can often fizzle out just as quickly as they begin, especially if you haven’t taken adequate time to come to terms with why your last relationship ended.
While there’s no specific amount of time you need to take between relationships, you need to at least resolve any feelings (good or bad) you have about your ex. Otherwise, you will carry that baggage with you into the new relationship.
Likewise, talking too soon about major life plans together with someone you’re only just getting to know can be a sign to slow things down.
It’s normal to talk about things like marriage and kids with someone you’re in love with and know well.
But if your new love interest can’t seem to stop talking about buying a house or what your children’s names will be when you’re only on your second date, it’s definitely a red flag.
Speaking of red flags, what are some more indicators that you need to pump the brakes on this new relationship?
Relationship Red Flags That Indicate You’re Moving Too Fast
1. Love Bombing
Either your new girlfriend or you engage in “love-bombing” techniques. What is “love-bombing,” exactly?
It’s a manipulative dating practice where the love-bomber lavishes his new partner with showy, grand gestures of affection and constant contact to gain an upper hand in the relationship.
Say you feel the need to buy her THREE dozen roses instead of one. Or you need to sweep her off her feet with a surprise trip to a tropical island after knowing her for a week. You might just be a love-bomber. You’re trying to make her feel like you’re her soul mate.
In reality, the love-bomber is trying to manipulate or control the environment to make it SEEM as if he or she is the perfect mate.
2. Wanting To Live Together Too Soon
They’ve practically moved in with you in a week’s time or want you to move in with them. It’s fine after a few months of dating to leave a toothbrush or maybe a few articles of clothing at your new flame’s place or vice versa.
However, if they show up on your front doorstep with a matched set of luggage containing most of their worldly possessions three days after you’ve met, it’s probably a good idea to slow things down a bit.
3. You’re Meeting Her Family Too Early
When you’re just getting to know someone, it doesn’t make sense to start getting involved with their families and friends, especially if you don’t know if things are going to last.
4. You Say “I Love You”
You’re using the “L”-word too soon.
Someone telling you they love you after the second date is a HUGE red flag.
Another is attaching official labels to yourselves (boyfriend/girlfriend) after mere days together or telling each other you want to spend your whole lives together after a week.
Moving this quickly is more often a sign of fear and insecurity than actual love, and one of the reasons why relationships that move fast fail.
5. You Family and Friends Disapprove
You’re obsessed with this new person, and you couldn’t care less what the people who know you best think.
But if they are voicing legitimate concerns about you racing into this relationship, it might be in your best interest to take their opinions into account.
They probably just care about you and they’re not trying to ruin your happiness.
You are completely obsessed with your new person and have dropped off the face of the earth
Or at least it seems that way to your family and friends.
It’s natural to want to spend all your time and energy on your new relationship, especially in the beginning. But if it takes up your entire life and you’ve dropped everyone else, it might be time to step back.
The best relationships should add to your life, not be your whole life.
6. You’re Known To Rush Relationships
Does this new relationship bear any resemblance to previous ones you’ve had, where you’ve gone from zero to sixty in three seconds, then crashed and burned?
You’ll do yourself a favor if you learn some lessons from your previous relationships before rushing into a new one.
If you recognize a pattern here, it may be a good idea to tell the person you’re dating that you’d like to take things slowly and to ask your friends to help you stick to your decision.
Risks And Consequences of Moving Too Fast in a Relationship
Even the best potential relationship can be quickly derailed by one or the other partner moving too quickly and scaring the other person off.
No one wants to feel overwhelmed or “love-bombed” too quickly, especially not when you are hardly more than strangers who have had a few dates and know you are attracted to each other, but not much else.
There’s a scene in the iconic 90’s sitcom “Seinfeld” where the character Elaine is trying to win over a new boyfriend named John. Speaking to her friend Jerry about John, she says “I’m trying to get a little squirrel to come over to me here! I don’t want to make any big, sudden movements! I’ll frighten him away!”
That pretty much sums it up when we’re talking about “slow and steady” generally being the best way for a relationship to progress.
Aside from some bruised egos and hurt feelings, there aren’t too many risks associated with rushing into a relationship if you’re just dating and not living together.
If, after several weeks or months of dating, you determine you’re simply not compatible together, you just go your separate ways.
No harm, no foul.
However, let’s say you’ve completely gone off the deep end and moved in with your partner. Maybe even rushed into marriage or bought a house together.
Only after making one of these major life decisions with this woman, do you realize that she isn’t the person you thought she was.
You realize that you are not compatible at all.
This is where things become infinitely more complicated.
If you live together, one or the other of you is going to have to find a new place. Not fun, stressful and exhausting, but not the end of the world.
However, say you are married or bought a house (which is basically as big a commitment as marriage).
Now you are looking at the stress, drama and expense of divorce and/or trying to sell a house or fight about who gets to keep it.
And if children have entered the situation, it’s an even worse web from which to extricate yourself.
All good reasons to be patient and take your time really getting to know someone before jumping into major life decisions together.
Failing to truly get to know the other person is yet another reason why relationships that move fast fail.
What If It “Feels Right”?
When you think you’re falling in love, of course, it’s going to “feel right.”
Listening to your heart is another reason why relationships that move fast fail.
Those all-consuming early days of a budding relationship are thrilling and blissful.
However, if you’re unable to eventually remove the rose-colored glasses and see the girl or woman for who she really is, your relationship could very well be moving too fast.
Though it’s perfectly fine and exciting to get lost in the “honeymoon phase” of a new relationship, your conviction that this girl is the perfect person is an illusion. While she may turn out to be perfect FOR YOU, the truth is that no one is perfect.
People are complex creatures, and if you’re feeling this way now, it’s fine. But it doesn’t mean you should immediately elope to Las Vegas to get married by an Elvis impersonator after knowing her for 48 hours.
If anything, it’s a sign you may want to slow your roll a bit in order to really get to know each other – flaws and all – and THEN still see if it “feels right” to you.
Your girl’s cute little quirks and habits that you currently find so charming and adorable could prove to be downright annoying to you down the road – especially if you leap into basically living together before an adequate getting-to-know-you period.
And they could even be complete deal-breakers altogether.
When it comes to finding the perfect partner for you, the old adage “Patience is a virtue” couldn’t be truer.
Enjoy this new love interest and take the time to literally stop and smell the roses together.
Getting to know your new love will pay off in the end.
Now that you know why relationships that move fast fail, hopefully, you’re less likely to regret making rash decisions that come with an impulse to move too quickly.